Troubled By Love

Once again, I have been having trouble sleeping. God is working on me again. I am a work in progress, as we all are, and I am grateful for each moment of His mercy and grace as He walks me through every heartbreak from my past.

I much prefer His discipline to being forgotten and unnoticed, and this is what I would like to talk about today.

Who wants an indifferent, uncaring God? Not me!

Before we come into His grace, we can fall into the trap of believing He does not care.

It is not that God does not care for us, it is that He is waiting for us to turn from our sins and cry out for His help. Many of the Psalms speak to this fact, and they are a great place to turn for hope, but I would like to quote a verse from Lamentations.

“My eyes will flow unceasingly, without relief, until The Lord looks down from heaven and sees.”

Lamentations 3:49

And also several verses from James:

“What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.”

James 4:1-3

“Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you.”

James 4:7-8

I thank God for giving me the perseverance to discover the depth of His love, for it was through a heartfelt prayer that I began my healing journey. I prayed, “Lord, please teach me to follow Your ways.” It was as simple as that. I prayed and He helped me submit myself to reading the Bible and living The Word. I turn to Him almost constantly in prayer nowadays.

If you find prayer difficult, then think of it simply as a conversation with a good friend. There are no rules or hoops to jump through in order to pray “correctly.” The majority of the time, I am not even on bended knee, because for years it was difficult for me to kneel down in prayer because of my pain. The biblical directives to kneel have more to do with submitting yourself through the condition of your heart, rather than the position of your body.

I thank Him abundantly every time I am rebuked, every time I am disciplined, because it means that He loves me enough to bother with me. It would be far worse if God threw up His hands in disgust and just walked away. People do that. But God does not. I know I have sinned far more than I would tolerate out of someone, if I were in His position. (Sometimes I wonder how my husband could be such a saint to put up with me for so long, but that’s another story.)

Being disciplined (as opposed to being punished or neglected) means that our parents care enough to make sure we follow the right path in life. It means that they love us and want the best for us. It means that they put our rearing on a higher level than their own selfish pursuits.

That’s the way it is supposed to work, anyway. Many parents fail to demonstrate love to their children in this way. Whether it be because of addictions, working too many hours, or the latest trend—not wanting to play the part of the bad parent by disciplining, because the children are from a broken home. We do not love our children when we sugar coat everything and refuse to carry out our parental duties.

A diet of lollypops and ice cream will result in a fat child, and a childhood without loving discipline and proper guidance will result in an adult who does not know boundaries, who does not know what love truly is.

Proverbs 3 tells of the wonderful blessings of fatherly love.

“My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you peace and prosperity.

Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man.

Trust in The Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways, submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear The Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.

Honor The Lord with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops; then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine.

My son, do not despise The Lord’s discipline, and do not resent his rebuke, because The Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.”

Proverbs 3:1-12

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”

Hebrews 12:11

“I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of The Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, ‘The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.’ The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of The Lord. It is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young.”

Lamentations 3:19-27

“For no one is cast off by The Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to anyone.”

Lamentations 3:31-33

Thank You, Lord, for disciplining me. Thank You, Lord, for being the parent in my old age that I so desperately needed and yearned for in my youth. Thank You, Lord, for saving me from my own wickedness.

My prayer for you today: Even though I know you may go through difficult times as you are refined by His loving discipline, I pray that your burdens will be lightened by coming to know Our Lord intimately through prayer and living The Word.

In His grace,

Jennifer Joy

Joyous New Year

In my studies today, Our Lord kept pointing me in the same direction, to Isaiah 43 and 44. So, I will simply share these verses with you, in hopes that their promises bring you as much comfort as they have me. They are filled with hope for the future.

But now, this is what The Lord says--

he who created you, Jacob,

he who formed you, Israel:

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;

I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

When you pass through the waters,

I will be with you;

and when you pass through the rivers,

they will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire,

you will not be burned;

the flames will not set you ablaze.

For I am The Lord your God,

the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;

I give Egypt for your ransom,

Cush and Seba in your stead.

Since you are precious and honored in my sight,

and because I love you,

I will give people in exchange for you,

nations in exchange for your life.

Do not be afraid, for I am with you;

I will bring your children from the east

and gather you from the west.

I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’

and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’

Bring my sons from afar

and my daughters from the ends of the earth--

everyone who is called by my name,

whom I created for my glory,

whom I formed and made.”

Isaiah 43:1-7

 

“I, even I, am The Lord,

and apart from me there is no savior.

I have revealed and saved and proclaimed--

I, and not some foreign god among you.

You are witnesses,”

declares The Lord,

“that I am God.

Yes, and from ancient days I am he.

No one can deliver out of my hand.

When I act, who can reverse it?”

Isaiah 43:12-13

 

“Forget the former things;

do not dwell on the past.

See, I am doing a new thing!

Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the wilderness

and streams in the wasteland.”

Isaiah 43:18-19

“I, even I, am he who blots out

your transgressions,

for my own sake,

and remembers your sins no more.”

Isaiah 43:25

This is what The Lord says--

he who made you,

who formed you in the womb,

and who will help you:

“Do not be afraid,

For I will pour water on the thirsty land,

and streams on the dry ground;

I will pour out my Spirit on your offspring,

and my blessing on your descendants.

They will spring up like grass in a meadow,

like poplar tress by flowing streams.”

Isaiah 44:2, 3-4

Thank you all for joining me once again, in this, the beginning of a new year.

My prayer for you today is for blessings in this new and glorious year of Our Lord, 2014.

In His Grace,

Jennifer Joy

Personal Best: Part Four: Well Grounded

This is the final in the series on raising the bar. As I mentioned in the first post, I believe that if we can achieve one, then the other three will follow. This is the one that I believe is the key. Being properly grounded makes everything else easier in life.

But what do I mean by being grounded? Many people talk about having their head in the clouds, or being flighty. These are the opposite of being grounded.

To be grounded means that we have a solid foundation to stand on. It means that we are focused and present in the now (not ten minutes from now and not two weeks from now). Our minds are not racing ahead to fantastical what-ifs. We are calm.

When we are not grounded, everything can become unraveled easily because we tend to be overly emotional. We get upset or angry for unworthy reasons. We get frustrated when things don’t go as we expect, often because our expectations are not based in reality.

So, how can we get grounded? For a quick situational fix, the easiest thing to do is breathe. Concentrate on your breath and let it bring you back to the present. This is not only for the negative events in our lives, but also for those events that are too stimulating to take in all at once. If you find you are getting too excited (about anything, get your mind out of the gutter, although that’s a good reason, as well) and you subsequently find your mind racing, then breathe. Deep breaths. In and out. Until the excitement is under control.

When emotions are allowed to run rampant (as in our over-excitement), we make decisions that we later regret. We react instead of act. What I mean by this is that actions are premeditated. We have spent time in making the decision to do the action. Whereas, reactions are spontaneous. We don’t think. We let the circumstances or the emotions or someone else make decisions for us. And this is not good.

So breathe.

And then when you are calmer, while you are still breathing, think.

Where can we find a solid foundation to stand on? We can find this by exerting wiser choices in who we choose to be in relationship with. This is a good starting point, but the most important relationship, the only one that can truly be our rock to stand on, is Jesus.

When we give ourselves over to Jesus, and we follow His teachings, then we have our solid foundation. If all our decisions are based on biblical truths, then we can be sure we are making good, wholesome, honorable decisions in our lives.

I hear you when you say that The Bible was written several millennia ago. You think its outdated. I understand your concerns. However, when we are in relationship with Jesus, and we have the Holy Spirit whispering truths in our ears, we begin to understand. We begin to see how The Bible is still relevant today. Trust me. Or better yet, trust God’s Word. If you earnestly endeavor to find life’s answers in The Bible, a whole new world will be opened up to you. It is as simple as saying a prayer and opening the book. If you are not sure where to start, the Psalms is always a good choice, and it can be found right in the middle of The Bible. The Book of John is another great choice. Galatians is my personal favorite. It teaches me that grace is based on faith and not on our silly human strivings. Through faith, I am a new creation. I don’t have to jump through any hoops or prove anything to anybody. God knows my heart, and so He reads my heart directly. Without striving constantly to prove my worthiness, an unspeakable joy fills me as I go about my daily chores. Since I don’t have to prove myself anymore, I eagerly work for His Kingdom, to share this wondrous joy with others and give them hope for their own joy, found only in the unconditional love of Our Savior.

So that is my prayer for you today, that you might be open to receiving the Joy of Christ.

In His Grace,

Jennifer Joy

Inspirational Links

Today, I would like to simply share a few links, which I have found quite inspiring. While it is true that the internet can be a dangerous place, full of misinformation and just plain bad stuff, it can also be quite useful. As with everything else, we must use discernment and wise judgment when we read what others post on the internet.

I’ve not read everything these websites and authors have to offer, but what I have read, I like.

http://momsmustardseeds.com I happened upon this site this morning. I am looking forward to reading more of what she has to offer.

Right now I am trying to get her Christmas journal/devotional (Finding Real Joy, A Mother’s Prayer Journal at Christmas) to upload to my Kindle. Having things available on my Kindle, rather than just on my computer, helps me get all the reading in that I need to. My computer is old and clunky, and even though it is a laptop, it has become very heavy over the years (not really, but when compared to newer options . . .) and it can be awkward to use in my limited-space situation (living full-time in our motorhome). So our Kindles have become my best go-to solution for many things. Mine is an older version and perfect for just reading, but I do use my husband’s Kindle Fire to quickly look things up on the internet when I don’t wish to drag out my laptop (and when the size of my iPhone screen is inadequately small for the task).

I am having difficulty getting it uploaded because my older version Kindle tends to not be as friendly as the newer Kindle Fire when it comes to acceptable file types, but if all else fails, I know I can put it on my hubby’s Kindle Fire, and read it from there.

When I am doing biblical research, I like to use one of the two following sites: http://www.biblestudytools.com/ and http://biblehub.com/tools.htm. Even with these sites, however, I still refer back to my own leather-bound Bible and prayer for discernment, that they are speaking the truth.

Another good site I have found is http://thecandidpastorswife.com/. It is a good site for young parents, as it shares a wealth of information for families, written from the perspective of a young Christian mother and pastor’s wife.

You can even find inspiration in blogs about your favorite hobbies. I found this one, http://www.sewafineseam.com/, and it is a treasure, as she covers not only her hobby/business of being a seamstress, but she also shares personal and family tidbits of hope and laughter.

I would like to know, what inspires you? Please comment about this post and any of my other posts. If you would like me to use my hound-dog research skills to find solutions for a specific issue (within my ability of course), just let me know. If there’s some issue related to homelessness, poverty, domestic abuse, community outreach, God, finding joy and peace, or just about anything else that you want me to talk about, drop me a line, and I will do my best. I love doing research, and I love sharing what I find out.

My prayer for you today is that you find what really fires you up in a positive manner. I pray you discover what it is that brings you peace and joy.

In His Grace,

Jennifer Joy

Finding Joy at Christmas-Time

Parties to attend (or throw).

Gifts to purchase and wrap.

Cards to write.

Cookies to bake.

Packages to ship.

Family dinners to cook.

Wow. I don’t know where to begin. Hmm. I do know that most won’t get done, in this house anyway. Can’t afford to be frivolous. Finances are tight. Finances get tighter for more and more families every year.

What’s worse, parents buy into the societal messages that more is better and that our kids should be spoiled half to death, else we are not good parents. This is not the message we, as adults, should be receiving from other adults or from society. This is also not the message we want our kids to walk away with. If our kids buy into the idea that more presents equals being loved more, then when s/he receives only one small gift under the tree, s/he believes s/he’s not loved.

We as parents propagate this falsehood as well, by feeling that we cannot properly express our love with that measly offering under the tree. We mope and make excuses and we make promises for next year. Please don’t make promises you cannot keep. Kids remember the broken promises, and broken promises work at damaging the soul and tearing away at trust.

Moping and making excuses isn’t the way to convey a positive message. Even if there is only the love in our hearts as our offering under the tree, we must show that our love, and the love of our Lord and Savior, is sufficient for joy to thrive during the holidays and all year long.

Christ is the reason for the season. Christmas is about celebrating Our Lord’s birth. Yes, it is true that the wise men brought wonderful, expensive gifts, but the shepherds brought only their adoration because they had nothing else to offer. Mary and Joseph welcomed all who came to witness the birth of Our Savior. Even though some brought magnificent gifts, no gift was required to behold our newborn Lord.

On that note, I would like to offer a different way to look at things this Christmas season. Yes, gifts are great, and yes, I believe every child should have something to look forward to on Christmas morning; however, we need not succumb to the many societal and media influences, nor the peer-pressure-induced stress, depression, and anxiety.

Commit the following verse to heart, because I’d like to offer several reasons why this single verse could add joy to your celebrations this year. First, it teaches us what true treasure is all about, (and it isn’t anything you can carry in your pocket). And second, it teaches us what God cares about and ultimately, how He loves us.

“But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.” Luke 2:19

 What did Mary “treasure up” in her heart? She treasured the glorifying words of the shepherds, about her newborn son, Jesus. She treasured up the wonder of the Magi who followed a star all the way to Bethlehem just to see her newborn son, The Christ Jesus (see Matthew 2:1-2). She treasured the (most likely) exemplary behavior of her young son, Jesus (see Luke 2:51), even if she didn’t always understand. She treasured up the amazement of others, when they first heard her Jesus speak.

I imagine that she also treasured up all the normal things we moms (and dads) treasure up in our own hearts about our own children. And she pondered what it all would mean for her son, just as we ponder the futures of our own children.

I’ve just compared Mary’s parental love to our own. Now, I would like to take it a step farther and compare Mary’s love for her son, Jesus, with God the Father’s love for us.

God loves us unconditionally. He revels in our successes, and His heart breaks for us when we don’t succeed. He is one of those fathers who loves us to such a degree that He trusts us to make our own mistakes. He also loves us to such a degree that He patiently waits for us to come running home for help, after we make a mess of things on our own. He will never say, “I told you so.” He holds no contempt for our sinful nature. He will not shame us or refuse us when we finally come to Him.

God knows the circumstances of our lives, even before we try to explain things to Him or make excuses for our behavior. He knows our hearts better than we do, and God knows that there is no shame in poverty. Society tries to shame the poor and less fortunate, but God never shames us for our misfortune or our mistakes.

When we can barely make it from one week to the next, many of us fear going to church because we fear the time when the offering bag comes around. It is embarrassing to have nothing to offer, especially when churches are making extra pleas at this time of year, to support their many worldly missions. Sometimes we can even be made to feel left out, when our own church doesn’t recognize our need, yet they cry for the needs of people halfway around the world, whom they’ve never even met.

Don’t feel bad if you have had this thought. I know I have, in years past. How could I worry about them, when I didn’t even know whether we would have enough on our own table for Christmas dinner? It made me feel like I was a horrible person, not caring about the children in Africa (or wherever else). Fact was, I did care for the welfare of these children and their families. It just tore me apart too much, to not be able to do anything to help them. It was yet another obligation on my heart that I could not meet.

God understands why we feel this way. He knows that it is difficult to have compassion for the needs of others when our own needs are not being met. For me personally, and most likely for you, God knows that if I had it to give, I would gladly give it, and then some.

When it comes to our tithes and offerings, God knows our hearts. He knows when a dollar has been stretched as far as it possibly can be stretched. He knows that pang in our hearts when we can barely feed our own family. He knows our heartache when we cannot set aside what we want to, for charity, for tithing, for good and honorable reasons, for our children. God knows our list of priorities and obligations. He knows that sometimes, we simply don’t have it to give.

And that’s okay with God. He knows that we will all go through hard times and trials. It is inevitable. All He asks, is that we ask for his help to get us through our hard times.

So don’t fear going to church. There is no shame in being unable to tithe right now. Someday you will be able to. Your need to be there should far outweigh the lack in your offering. If your church puts more emphasis on that magical ten percent, then they aren’t worth their weight, in my opinion. Tithing is not about reaching that predetermined ten percent. It is about the condition of our hearts. And church is about helping each other, being a community, even closer, a family.

God knows that sometimes we need help, and He also knows our prideful side. Set aside the pride and turn it all over to His able hands. He’s been waiting for us to ask for help. For He is a gentle and patient Father.

“The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.” Psalm 103:8

I challenge you to find ways to teach your children about storing up treasures in the heart. It’s never too early nor too late to teach about the pitfalls of materialism.

• Make gifts from recyclables with your children, to give to teachers, friends, family. Teach the good old message that it is not the gift but the thought that counts.
• Take an early evening walk with your children, around the neighborhood, to check out everyone else’s lights and yard decorations. Use this time to teach about appreciating the fleeting nature of beauty and the splendor all around us.
• Take your children to volunteer their time. This can be as simple as going to a senior care center and singing carols; or offering to make ornaments with the seniors; or it can be as complicated as putting together all your kids’ friends and their parents, to sing carols around the neighborhood.
• Decorating doesn’t have to be expensive, either. Those shiny advertisers that come as junk mail make quite sparkly paper chains. Kids love to color and paint, so let them make all sorts of decorations and cards to hand out.
• Nifty homemade window clings can be made with clear contact paper and Sharpies.
• Let your imagination soar.

My prayer for you today is that finding your family’s joy isn’t an expensive prospect. I pray you can return to simpler ways, and create for yourself a simpler, easier, more joy-filled life.

In His grace,

Jennifer Joy

Christmas Worries

This can be an especially tough time of year for many folks who already find themselves trapped in the cycle of poverty. When we can barely meet our bills and other obligations on a regular basis, how can we possibly squeak out even the tiniest of budgets to make our holidays bright, like everyone else pretends to?

As parents caught in this situation, it breaks our hearts when our little angels ask for this or that, and we cannot provide it. It tears us apart inside, when we have to choose between food and rent. We know our kids need both a roof over their heads and a satisfied belly. So we pay the rent and pray for a little something extra in this month’s food box, so that we might go on to live another day and another month. But another month turns into another year, when we are caught in the poverty cycle.

If we could get ahead just enough, then . . .

If we could just ____, then we could get ahead.

Why can’t they just leave us alone for one month? Then we could get back on track.

It is enough to drive a person mad. It is enough to drive a person back to their sinful nature. We try our best to go straight, go clean, stay on the wagon in whichever fashion, but the stress can get to be too much. I understand this. I have been there. I’ve done some really stupid things at really desperate times. I understand the feeling of being backed into a corner and feeling as though you have no choice.

Please hear me when I say that even though you may not see a good choice among all the bad, there is always a better choice. When we reach a point in our lives when we lose hope because of all the poor choices available to us, that is when we need to pray the strongest. That is the time when we need to let it all go. Yes, our bills will still be ours to pay, but when we let go, we turn the stress and worry about the bills (or whatever) to Jesus. When we let go, it frees our mind of the franticness of the situation. Letting go allows us the mental space to get back on track. It gives us the time and wits to sort out all the mess to find the best possible solution. We can say to the worry and stress, “Okay, so maybe all the bills didn’t get paid again this month (or whatever), but worry won’t sprout wings on its own, so I’m not going to obsess about it anymore.”

Worry won’t get the bills paid or the kids fed. Stress will cause more problems than it cures.

Invite God to come help you with your problems. He’s waiting for you to call on Him, through prayer.

My prayer for you today is that you are able to let go of your worries and your stress, so that you can breathe and see more clearly. Whether your stressors are financial, physical, or emotional, I pray that your heart will be receptive to letting go, so that God could come in and help you with your woes.

Love,

Jennifer Joy

DAY SIXTEEN: International Human Rights Day

Today is The International Human Rights Day and marks the end of the 16 Days Campaign. I will leave you with wise words from some of our past leaders and great humanists.

 

“The spirit of liberty is not merely, as multitudes imagine, a jealousy of our own particular rights, but a respect for the rights of others, and an unwillingness that any man, whether high or low, should be wronged and trampled under foot.”

William Ellery Channing

 

“A human being is not to be handled as a tool but is to be respected and revered.”

Felix Adler

 

“America did not invent human rights. In a very real sense . . . Human rights invented America.”

Jimmy Carter

 

“A community is democratic only when the humblest and weakest person can enjoy the highest civil, economic, and social rights that the biggest and most powerful possess.”

A. Philip Randolph

 

“No man is good enough to govern any woman without her consent.”

Susan B. Anthony

 

“But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. So we have come to cash this check—a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice. We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy.”

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

 

“We are now faced with the fact, my friends, that tomorrow is today. We are confronted with the fierce urgency of now. In this unfolding conundrum of life and history, there is such a thing as being too late. Procrastination is still the thief of time. Life often leaves us standing bare, naked, and dejected with a lost opportunity. The tide in the affairs of men does not remain at flood—it ebbs. We may cry out desperately for time to pause in her passage, but time is adamant to every plea and rushes on. Over the bleached bones and jumbled residues of numerous civilizations are written the pathetic words, ‘Too late.’ There is an invisible book of life that faithfully records our vigilance or our neglect. Omar Khayyam is right: ‘The moving finger writes, and having writ moves on.’”

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

 

My prayer for you today is that these wise words will sink in and give you a sense of urgency in fixing what is wrong in our world, whatever cause you choose to support.

In His Grace,

Jennifer Joy

DAY FOURTEEN: Taking Steps

Today is day fourteen of The 16 Days Campaign to end domestic abuse and violence against women. It has been a challenge to put for all this information over the past two weeks, but I believe it has also been well worth my time and effort. We have two days left, after today, and I believe that Our Lord can work miracles in our families, if only we would be His hands and demonstrate His heart for hurting people.

Although there has been much progress since the days my abuser had me in his clutches, there is still much work to be done, if we are to prevent further domestic violence against women, children, and even men.

It reasons that if we develop, promote, and implement effective strategies, we will make a difference. Even the efforts of one bystander in the life of an abuse victim can change that life for the better.

On a personal note, my abuser made me believe that no one would be willing to help me. He convinced me I was worthless, that I would be better off dead. He made me believe that he would have me committed to a psychiatric hospital if I reached out for help. Back then, there weren’t as many victim advocacy services and crisis hotlines available, and the one outsider, a Methodist minister, who I reached out to blamed it all on me. He said that if I were being abused, then I was not performing my wifely duties. In essence, my minister blamed the abuse on me.

When I did reach out and tell a family member, after years of taking the abuse in silence, I was denied her help because she believed me to be lying and manipulating the situation. I went back to my abuser because I thought I had no other choice, no help, no one who loved me enough to care.

If I would have had just one person on my side back then, well, the past is past, and I can only live for the now.

The following includes a list of things we all can do to help turn the tide of violence in our families and in our community, and ultimately in our world. Some are simple and can be done by an individual, while others are more complicated and will require the community to participate, through governmental initiatives, social activism, and providing more services and resources for the victims of intimate partner abuse.

• Increase the safety and protection of women and children.
• Promote healthy, respectful relationships, including healthier parent-child relationships.
• Develop positive family dynamics and emotionally supportive environments.
• Foster the growth of positive interactions, based on trust and respect.
• Foster effective non-violent communication skills and conflict resolution.
• Teach children appropriate peer and dating relationship tactics, what is acceptable and not acceptable.
• Promote healing and prevention in the lives of victims so that they will not be victimized again.
• Support and volunteer in local efforts supporting this cause.
• Recognize that violence against women and children is a human rights issue.
• Show solidarity among women who have suffered past abuse or are currently in an abusive situation.
• Ensure that legal, housing, safety, medical, and mental health and other services and resources are readily available and accessible to survivors of violence and abuse.

My prayer for you today is that if someone trusts you enough to reach out to you, please, please take her hand and help her so that the cycle can end and that she will know how important she really is, to you and to God.

In His Grace,

Jennifer Joy

DAY TEN: New Relationships

Today is day ten of The 16 Days Campaign to end domestic abuse and violence against women. Having past the halfway mark, I would like to offer a day of hope for survivors. Today I will present lists of early warning signs and red flags and also steps women can take to guard against abuse in new relationships.

Having gotten out of an abusive relationship is mighty reason to celebrate. Congratulations on your success, if you are a survivor. These lists will help you determine whether a new interest is worthy of your love. However, they are only lists of red flags and not written in stone. As such, use your God-given intuition to guide you in choosing your next partner more so than lists. They are meant as guidelines because as you yourself are healing, you will recognize that others also have the ability to change and improve. Their past does not necessarily predict their future, as I’ve been trying to show you that your past does not have to predict your future, either.

You are a strong, beautiful person and deserve to be in a strong, beautiful relationship. In the beginning, set aside those lustful “new romance” type feelings so that you can really get to know the other person. Please do not hop from relationship to relationship, from bed to bed, as this does not help the situation. I do not say this from a Christian perspective so much as from someone who has been there and done that. This is a plea to let the new relationship grow before adding sex into the mix; for sex confuses the issue, especially if a child results from the encounter.

Red Flags

• Alcohol or drug use
• Record of getting into fights or destroying property
• Chronically unemployed and not seeking work
• Speaks disrespectfully to other women in your presence, especially his mother or sisters
• Name calling, put downs, or vulgar comments about you or others
• Physically rough with you or with animals
• Anger issues
• Plays the blame game frequently
• Starts to control where you go and who you can see
• Forces sexual intimacy when you are not ready or do not want it
• Cheats or has multiple partners, lengthy list of “conquests”
• Takes advantage of your good nature
• Takes money or other belongings from you and sees it as a right to do so
• Unwarranted accusations of flirting or cheating
• Does not pay attention to your interests, opinions, or feelings
• Things always have to be his way
• Silent treatment
• Lies
• Stands you up for dates or other obligations
• Disappears for days at a time without appropriate reason
• Expects you to dress and act a certain way, doesn’t let you be you
• Threatens suicide if you attempt to break up
• Says he cannot live without you
• Mood swings
• Compares you to former partners

 

Some questions to ask yourself about the relationship

• Do you feel tied down?
• Do you feel like you have to check in or get his permission?
• Are you afraid to speak your own mind or bring up certain subjects?
• Do you believe you are difficult to love?
• Do you believe if you could just love him enough, everything would be okay?
• Do you cry often?
• Are you depressed or generally unhappy in this relationship?
• Do you worry about how to please him or how to keep him happy?

These lists are adapted from the Domestic Abuse Project (http://www.domesticabuseproject.org)

Even with all the red flags and warnings, the bottom line is that if we want better in our relationships, it has to start with getting better ourselves. If you cannot afford counseling or you cannot spare the time for a support group, I highly recommend reading self-help books. Become a voracious reader in your spare time, instead of watching television. If you take public transportation, read on the way to work. Read during your lunch break. Read while waiting for the doctor or other appointments.

A word of caution, however, not all self-help books are created equal. If one does not resonate with you, set it aside and start another one. I have often found that the ones I have cast aside, later become great allies. Or they end up in the goodwill box.

Her is a short list of books I have found helpful over the years:

• The Bible — find an easy-to-read version especially if this is new for you. The King James Version is not the best place to start. I heard of but have not yet read The Voice Bible, which is written in novel format and is said to be very easy to read.
• Who Moved My Cheese? By Spence Johnson and Kenneth Blanchard — A quick read but very helpful in dealing with change in your life.
• Broken body, Wounded Spirit, by Celeste Cooper — A devotional for chronic pain sufferers, but it has an interesting perspective for all of life’s challenges.
• Messy, by A.J Swoboda — Finding beauty, meaning, purpose, and joy in a messy life.
• Sifted: God’s Scandalous Response to Satan’s Outrageous Demand, by Rick Lawrence — Excellent biblical perspective on why we go through such trying times.
  Two Scoops of Grace with Chuckles on Top, by Jeanette Levellie —Humorous reminders of God’s handiwork in our lives.
• Calm My Anxious Heart, by Linda Dillow — A woman’s guide to finding contentment.
• Love Must Be Tough, by Dr. James Dobson — Straightforward advice for building relationships.
• Boundaries, by John Townsend and Henry Cloud — Setting healthy boundaries in your relationships. In fact, I would recommend any of the books by these two authors. They have helped me tremendously in sorting through my past and my relationship issues.
• Living, Loving, and Learning, by Leo Buscaglia —I would also recommend any and all of his books. He was the first author who really resonated with my soul and began to teach me about love, while I was still in an abusive relationship years ago.

This is just a short list of my favorite self-help reads.

My prayer for you today is that you could hear that special message that will reach deep inside to unlock your full potential.

In His Grace,

Jennifer Joy

Zapato

Shoe.

Shoes.

Something about a shoe.

This is how The Lord talks to me sometimes. He was telling me that “when I find my shoe, no other shoe would ever drop.”

I know that He speaks in riddles, in parables, and therefore a shoe is not necessarily a shoe.

I also know that having no more shoes drop does not mean I will never have trouble in my life from that point forward. I’m not one of those Christians, the ones who have such a Polly-Anna attitude that they seem to block out all negativity and all painful emotions. Nope. I know bad things will happen. But I also know that, through it all, God is and will forever be by my side.

The significance of another shoe dropping in this hurting person’s life was a sense of constant dread that another overwhelming thing would inevitably befall me, to further destroy my life, my resolve, my well-being. I lived with this constant fear for a long time.

When The Holy Spirit promised, “no other shoe would ever drop,” He was promising that I would be capable of handling anything that came my way because I have Him to depend on. I have learned to trust again, and I have learned to depend on God to get me through things. It is a peace that surpasses understanding.

“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Phil 4:7

I will be able to handle anything that comes my way because I have Him to depend on. We are never promised, once we accept Christ as our savior, that we will live a life without strife, quite the contrary; however, we are promised that if we trust Him, we will be able to handle our problems without getting overwhelmed.

I found my shoe that is not a shoe. I immediately recognized her as my shoe, and then the facts just clicked to back up my overwhelming sense that this tiny Pit puppy was my shoe. She was essentially dropped on my daughter’s doorstep. She was no bigger than a shoe, being maybe three weeks old at the time. And her father’s name is Botas, which means boots.

His leading me through this has helped to bolster my confidence. It was another step in becoming the woman He created me to be. I am so very grateful for this vote of confidence from Our Benevolent Father.

“For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.” 2 Cor 1:5

I named this little Pit pup “Zapato” because it means shoe. And to ease your fears, no, we did not take on yet another dog. My daughter is keeping her, but she is still my heart’s Zapato.

 

My prayer for you today is that you will come to experience the peace and comfort found in Christ’s loving sacrifice.

Blessings,

Jennifer Joy