Inspirational Links

Today, I would like to simply share a few links, which I have found quite inspiring. While it is true that the internet can be a dangerous place, full of misinformation and just plain bad stuff, it can also be quite useful. As with everything else, we must use discernment and wise judgment when we read what others post on the internet.

I’ve not read everything these websites and authors have to offer, but what I have read, I like.

http://momsmustardseeds.com I happened upon this site this morning. I am looking forward to reading more of what she has to offer.

Right now I am trying to get her Christmas journal/devotional (Finding Real Joy, A Mother’s Prayer Journal at Christmas) to upload to my Kindle. Having things available on my Kindle, rather than just on my computer, helps me get all the reading in that I need to. My computer is old and clunky, and even though it is a laptop, it has become very heavy over the years (not really, but when compared to newer options . . .) and it can be awkward to use in my limited-space situation (living full-time in our motorhome). So our Kindles have become my best go-to solution for many things. Mine is an older version and perfect for just reading, but I do use my husband’s Kindle Fire to quickly look things up on the internet when I don’t wish to drag out my laptop (and when the size of my iPhone screen is inadequately small for the task).

I am having difficulty getting it uploaded because my older version Kindle tends to not be as friendly as the newer Kindle Fire when it comes to acceptable file types, but if all else fails, I know I can put it on my hubby’s Kindle Fire, and read it from there.

When I am doing biblical research, I like to use one of the two following sites: http://www.biblestudytools.com/ and http://biblehub.com/tools.htm. Even with these sites, however, I still refer back to my own leather-bound Bible and prayer for discernment, that they are speaking the truth.

Another good site I have found is http://thecandidpastorswife.com/. It is a good site for young parents, as it shares a wealth of information for families, written from the perspective of a young Christian mother and pastor’s wife.

You can even find inspiration in blogs about your favorite hobbies. I found this one, http://www.sewafineseam.com/, and it is a treasure, as she covers not only her hobby/business of being a seamstress, but she also shares personal and family tidbits of hope and laughter.

I would like to know, what inspires you? Please comment about this post and any of my other posts. If you would like me to use my hound-dog research skills to find solutions for a specific issue (within my ability of course), just let me know. If there’s some issue related to homelessness, poverty, domestic abuse, community outreach, God, finding joy and peace, or just about anything else that you want me to talk about, drop me a line, and I will do my best. I love doing research, and I love sharing what I find out.

My prayer for you today is that you find what really fires you up in a positive manner. I pray you discover what it is that brings you peace and joy.

In His Grace,

Jennifer Joy

Dental Emergencies

Okay, so this morning I woke up with a killer toothache.

It is a doozy, but it’s not like I didn’t feel it coming on.

I’ve had increased sensitivity in my lower left molars for a few weeks. I’ve also had a lymph node or gland or whatever swollen up on the left side of my throat for at least that long, but I was ignoring it, hoping it was just left over from the cold I had at the end of last month.

This morning I woke up with a killer headache and my lower jaw was hurting so bad, I could barely eat breakfast. In fact, I left some of my food on my plate because it was too painful to eat any more. Breakfast was not enjoyable, not in the least sense of the word.

So, here I sit with a bad toothache. I brushed twice with Sensodyne (once before eating and again after). I flossed. I even chewed two aspirin, hoping for instant relief. By the way, I would not recommend chewing aspirin to just anybody. You have to know your tolerance level, as aspirin can be very corroding to the mouth and digestive system. That’s why they now put enteric coating on most aspirin. But I’ve been chewing aspirin since I was a kid. Chewing aspirin and then downing a strong cup of coffee can seriously help a migraine.

This time, however, the aspirin did not do the trick for my tooth pain. My next plan of homeopathic attack is the heating pad. So, here I sit, looking like I have the mumps, with a thin kitchen towel tied round my head, holding the heating pad in place. Using heat on my tooth and ear troubles has also been a lifelong habit. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I refused to take medications unless it was absolutely necessary. Often, I chose to use hot compresses, and oftentimes I just suffered through, for fear of what the drugs might do to my unborn child.

The heat is helping. I’m feeling much better right now, but still far from okay. The pain may have subsided, but I still have the reason for the pain to deal with.

Hence, today’s list of affordable, free, and/or sliding-scale dental clinics found in Southern California.

 

Community Health systems, Inc.

951-571-2300

22675 Alessandro Blvd.

Moreno Valley, CA 92553

Provides preventive and restorative dental care for adults and children. Services provided at discounted (sliding fee scale) rates for those who qualify based on gross annual income and family size. Accepts many forms of payment (such as Medicare, Medi-Cal, Healthy Kids, Headstart, and many more). Please contact them for details.

Mead Valley Community Complex—Perris

951-657-0686

21091 Rider Street

Perris, CA 92570

This program provides medical and dental services for the community. Please contact them directly for details.

 Inland Behavioral & Health Services, Inc.—San Bernardino

909-881-6146

1963 North E Street

San Bernardino, CA 92405

This center is designed to provide outpatient health services to infants, children, adolescents, and adults. If you are covered by a health plan, bring your membership card. They accept Medi-Cal, Medicate, and most other insurances. If you are not covered by an insurance plan, they offer low cost/no cost programs (based on eligibility) and sliding scale fee. Please call them directly for details.

Eastside Health Center Medical/Dental Clinic

909-276-0661

1970 University Avenue

Riverside, CA 92507

Provides low cost and sliding fee general dentistry, cleanings, fillings, extractions, and fluoride sealants. Please call them directly for details.

Fallbrook Family Health Center—Dental Clinic

760-451-4730

1328 South Mission Road

Fallbrook, CA 92028

Provides low cost and sliding fee general dentistry, cleanings, fillings, extractions, and fluoride sealants. Please call them directly for details.

This short list should at least give you somewhere to start, in the search for affordable dental care. Our teeth and mouths are very important to our overall health, and as such, our oral care should not be ignored or overlooked due to an inability to pay. Many of us have enough to fear, when it comes to dentists, without adding the fear of insurmountable dental bills to the mix.

I found these sources through a quick search of the following national directory of free dental clinics, Free Dental Care. Just keep in mind that not all clinics are created equal, and not all are free. If you don’t find what you need on my list, by all means, go directly to their website. You will hopefully be able to find something close to your own home. Plus it is a national website, so even those who do not live in Southern California can use this free resource to find affordable dental care.

Other resources to find affordable medical and dental care:

• Word of mouth. Ask your friends and neighbors.
• Contact your church, or if you don’t have a church, look one up. Churches are always willing to help those in need (if they are worth their weight and follow the true teachings of Jesus, anyway).
• Contact your county health department.
• Call 211, which is a national clearinghouse of information relating to health and human services.
• If all else fails, conduct your own internet search.

My prayer for you today is that you realize that your worth, your value as a human being, is not tied to your wallet. Our ability to earn a living is only one small aspect of our character. I pray that whatever led to your financial misfortune will not overshadow all your finer qualities.

In His Name,

Jennifer Joy

DAY SIXTEEN: International Human Rights Day

Today is The International Human Rights Day and marks the end of the 16 Days Campaign. I will leave you with wise words from some of our past leaders and great humanists.

 

“The spirit of liberty is not merely, as multitudes imagine, a jealousy of our own particular rights, but a respect for the rights of others, and an unwillingness that any man, whether high or low, should be wronged and trampled under foot.”

William Ellery Channing

 

“A human being is not to be handled as a tool but is to be respected and revered.”

Felix Adler

 

“America did not invent human rights. In a very real sense . . . Human rights invented America.”

Jimmy Carter

 

“A community is democratic only when the humblest and weakest person can enjoy the highest civil, economic, and social rights that the biggest and most powerful possess.”

A. Philip Randolph

 

“No man is good enough to govern any woman without her consent.”

Susan B. Anthony

 

“But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. So we have come to cash this check—a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice. We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy.”

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

 

“We are now faced with the fact, my friends, that tomorrow is today. We are confronted with the fierce urgency of now. In this unfolding conundrum of life and history, there is such a thing as being too late. Procrastination is still the thief of time. Life often leaves us standing bare, naked, and dejected with a lost opportunity. The tide in the affairs of men does not remain at flood—it ebbs. We may cry out desperately for time to pause in her passage, but time is adamant to every plea and rushes on. Over the bleached bones and jumbled residues of numerous civilizations are written the pathetic words, ‘Too late.’ There is an invisible book of life that faithfully records our vigilance or our neglect. Omar Khayyam is right: ‘The moving finger writes, and having writ moves on.’”

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

 

My prayer for you today is that these wise words will sink in and give you a sense of urgency in fixing what is wrong in our world, whatever cause you choose to support.

In His Grace,

Jennifer Joy

DAY FIFTEEN: International Violence Against Women Act

Today is day fifteen of The 16 Days Campaign. Our journey to disseminate valuable information in a short span of time is almost at an end. Even though this campaign is coming to a close, our work is far from finished.

The International Violence Against Women Act is proposed legislation addressing violence against women all over the world, through foreign policies initiated by The United States. Although it was introduced in the 110th and 111th congresses, it has yet to be passed into law.

Amnesty International, The Family Violence Prevention Fund, and women thrive Worldwide were instrumental in creating this proposed legislation.

Even without this legislation, we as individuals and as a society still have the great charge to eradicate violence and abuse from our families, our communities, and our world.

Some forms of violence against women worldwide include, but are not limited to:

• Rape
• Sexual slavery
• Sexual violence
• Domestic violence
• Stalking
• Murder
• Violence against women with disabilities
• Violence against immigrants and refugee women
• Breast ironing
• Female circumcision and other forms of female genital mutilation
• Burning with acid
• Honor killings
• Dowry death
• Foot binding
• Forced pregnancy
• Murder of pregnant women
• Forced abortion
• Forced prostitution
• Human trafficking
• Genocide
• Stoning
• Bride burning
• Gender-based discrimination
• Emotional abuse
• Dating violence and rape
• Imprisonment
• Torture

 

Links you may find useful:

Amnesty International USA

U.N. Women

The Duluth Model domestic abuse intervention programs

Link for creating a safety plan at www.domesticviolence.org

 

My prayer for you today is that you see yourself up to the challenge of taking on violence against women. And if there is violence in your own life, my prayer is that you will see that you have the strength to break free and that there are people out there in your community who care deeply for your safety and well-being.

In His grace,

Jennifer Joy

DAY FOURTEEN: Taking Steps

Today is day fourteen of The 16 Days Campaign to end domestic abuse and violence against women. It has been a challenge to put for all this information over the past two weeks, but I believe it has also been well worth my time and effort. We have two days left, after today, and I believe that Our Lord can work miracles in our families, if only we would be His hands and demonstrate His heart for hurting people.

Although there has been much progress since the days my abuser had me in his clutches, there is still much work to be done, if we are to prevent further domestic violence against women, children, and even men.

It reasons that if we develop, promote, and implement effective strategies, we will make a difference. Even the efforts of one bystander in the life of an abuse victim can change that life for the better.

On a personal note, my abuser made me believe that no one would be willing to help me. He convinced me I was worthless, that I would be better off dead. He made me believe that he would have me committed to a psychiatric hospital if I reached out for help. Back then, there weren’t as many victim advocacy services and crisis hotlines available, and the one outsider, a Methodist minister, who I reached out to blamed it all on me. He said that if I were being abused, then I was not performing my wifely duties. In essence, my minister blamed the abuse on me.

When I did reach out and tell a family member, after years of taking the abuse in silence, I was denied her help because she believed me to be lying and manipulating the situation. I went back to my abuser because I thought I had no other choice, no help, no one who loved me enough to care.

If I would have had just one person on my side back then, well, the past is past, and I can only live for the now.

The following includes a list of things we all can do to help turn the tide of violence in our families and in our community, and ultimately in our world. Some are simple and can be done by an individual, while others are more complicated and will require the community to participate, through governmental initiatives, social activism, and providing more services and resources for the victims of intimate partner abuse.

• Increase the safety and protection of women and children.
• Promote healthy, respectful relationships, including healthier parent-child relationships.
• Develop positive family dynamics and emotionally supportive environments.
• Foster the growth of positive interactions, based on trust and respect.
• Foster effective non-violent communication skills and conflict resolution.
• Teach children appropriate peer and dating relationship tactics, what is acceptable and not acceptable.
• Promote healing and prevention in the lives of victims so that they will not be victimized again.
• Support and volunteer in local efforts supporting this cause.
• Recognize that violence against women and children is a human rights issue.
• Show solidarity among women who have suffered past abuse or are currently in an abusive situation.
• Ensure that legal, housing, safety, medical, and mental health and other services and resources are readily available and accessible to survivors of violence and abuse.

My prayer for you today is that if someone trusts you enough to reach out to you, please, please take her hand and help her so that the cycle can end and that she will know how important she really is, to you and to God.

In His Grace,

Jennifer Joy

DAY EIGHT: The Cycle of Abuse

Today is day eight of the 16 days Campaign. We are halfway there. We will end the cycle of abuse, one precious life at a time.

Today’s topic is the cycle of abuse. As I see it, there are several cycles involved in abuse. One being a familial cycle, in that if children witness abuse, they are more likely to end up in abusive relationships themselves (Women mostly as victims and men mostly as perpetrators. Sorry, but it is not sexist or judgmental if it is a statistical fact). Another cycle is hopping from one abusive relationship to another, and this can be very devastating for the victim and any children involved, if she does not learn how to avoid such relationships in the future. More on this topic later.

Another cycle of abuse is the cycle that can happen almost on a daily basis in some relationships. That cycle of abuse goes something like this:

The perpetrator in the relationship will inflict abuse—whether it is mental, emotional, physical, or sexual, it does not matter—the cycle still works the same. During the abuse phase, the perpetrator will oftentimes get angry (but not always, for my abuser was very methodical and controlled in his abuse). There will be a breakdown in communication, and arguments will ensue, even though the victim knows that this will lead to more abuse. She will try to keep the abuser calm, placating him with offers of sex or whatever has worked in the past. The victim and any children involved feel they are always walking on eggshells.

After the abuse phase comes the make-up phase. Whether the abuser accepts responsibility for his actions or not, he will apologize and promise it will never happen again. He does this to calm the victim and keep her tied to him. She tries to believe him, and thus thinks that she should not leave because he “promised” to do better next time, even though he has broken that same promise many times in the past. He may even blame her for his actions or deny anything abusive even happened. These tactics work to confuse her and brainwash her into believing it is her fault or that she is over-exaggerating.

Then there will be a phase of relative calm, and the perpetrator will act as if nothing ever happened. He may continue the make-up phase by plying her with gifts or flowers or being extra nice. This makes his victim believe that the abuse is finally over. She begins to hope again, but in essence, he is setting her up for an even bigger fall next time.

This cycle repeats over and over. Sometimes the cycle can repeat several times in a single day, and other times, it could take months for a single cycle. Oftentimes, as the abuse escalates, the make-up phase and the calm will totally disappear, leaving only the abuse.

Excuses are often made for the abuse and the abuser. They say it is caused by substance abuse or because he is under a lot of stress. Or they may even go so far as to say that the abuser doesn’t know any better or that the victim deserved it.

These are all false. I am especially emphatic that no one deserves to be abused.

Substance abuse and stress do not cause domestic violence. They may increase the intensity, but they are not the cause. An abuser has learned to use these tactics to get his way, to stay in control. He makes the choice to abuse. He is not an innocent victim of his lifestyle.

Furthermore, just because an abuser comes from an abusive past or he witnessed it in his family growing up does not give him the right to claim that he “doesn’t know any better.” Everyone can learn to do better. Everyone can grow beyond their past mistakes and/or family history.

It is all a choice. He can continue to choose to abuse, or he can hold himself to a higher standard and work to improve not only himself but his relationships.

People may also say, “If it were really that bad, she would leave.”

I can say from personal experience that leaving isn’t always easy. I believed I had nowhere else to go, partly because he told me no one would ever want me and partly from my family history. I believed no one would help me get free. I had lost all hope. Plus I had a twisted sense of respect and honor (started in my childhood and spurred on by my abuser), and believed I had to hold my tiny family together and take the abuse for the sake of stability for my kids.

Sometimes, leaving can be dangerous. He may threaten to kill her or to take her children from her—he could also threaten to kill someone closed to her. The most dangerous time for many survivors is when she finally takes a stand and attempts to leave. Even so, it is possible to leave and it is possible to have an actual loving, caring relationship—free from abuse—in the future.

As bystanders, family members, and friends, we must do all we can to believe her. We must believe what she says is true, even if we do not understand why she won’t or can’t leave. She most likely does not feel safe enough to leave, or else she has lost all hope of a better future and needs a compassionate soul to unconditionally love her and to help her get free.

Once free, the best thing an abuse survivor can do for herself is to not jump right into another relationship; for this can lead into the lifestyle of being a victim. She needs to trust that she does not need a man in her life to take care of her. She needs to allow herself the time to heal and to learn how to find a better mate, next time around. If she does not give herself time to heal and grow personally, then she will inevitably end up right back into another abusive relationship (or back with the original abuser) and this next relationship is often worse than the first one, because she has already been beaten down, “primed” for the abuse to happen again.

These may sound like harsh words, but they are spoken in love from one abuse survivor to another. This cycle can be overcome.

My prayer for you today is one of compassion. I pray that if you are a victim, a compassionate angel will step up, take your hand, and lead to a better life. And I pray that if you are a family member or friend, you will be that compassionate angel for your hurting sister or friend.

In His Grace,

Jennifer Joy

DAY FIVE: The Impact of Abuse on the Community

Today, being day five of The 16 Days Campaign to end domestic abuse and violence against women, I would like to share how domestic violence is not just a problem within a family, but within the entire community—every community.

Intimate partner violence, also known as domestic abuse, is a major public health problem, but more than that, when a child or young woman first experiences abuse or violence, it closes her off from the vital support she needs and opens her up to even more abuse and physical and mental health problems. It becomes a vicious cycle, and we must break this cycle for ourselves, for our daughters, for the sake of all.

Many who experience domestic abuse, sexual abuse, and violence at the hands of the ones they love also experience physical injury, depression, anxiety and panic attacks, sexually transmitted diseases, complications during pregnancy, and many other health consequences related to the added stress, such as irritable bowel syndrome and other digestive disorders, chronic pain and headaches, difficulty sleeping, substance abuse, post traumatic stress disorder, and suicide attempts.

It is a very complicated personal and societal problem, but it is also a problem that we must face head-on, if we ever expect to eradicate it from our families, our community, and from the world as a whole.

Intimate partner violence takes a heavy toll, not only on the victim, but on the family and all of society.

Being fearful of a loved one and being constantly concerned for one’s safety and the safety of one’s children is a tragic way to live. Yet one of the tactics an abuser uses is to cut his victim off from outside help.

There are many societal effects of domestic violence.

A woman who has been abused in the past, will oftentimes find herself in another violent or abusive relationship. Her self-esteem will have suffered and because of this, she will not be the fully productive member of society that God intended for her. For each person is special and each person has a specific purpose in the eyes of God. When we allow ourselves or another woman to continue in a life of abuse, we are not lifting high our/her God-given rights and gifts. If children live in abusive situations or unsafe situations, we teach them that this lifestyle is acceptable and that there is no other way. But when we love and nurture a child, we can bring them out of this mindset.

In abuse situations, the proper family values are not being passed along, but instead a grotesquely twisted version of respect evolves, where children believe they must protect their parents at all costs, if they want their tenuously small measure of safety to remain intact.

We can heal a society of this problem.

Unfortunately an attitude of “Not my job” has infiltrated our world. Individuals believe the responsibility is up to the government or social programs, and the government balks and the social programs scream because they are wearing thin.

But then there are the individuals who scream that the government should stay out of the family. Yet these same folk, are they willing to step up and help a woman or child or even a man out of the muck of domestic violence and into the light of a better life?

I will leave that question asked and unanswered because I am getting fairly close to judging, and I do not want to go there.

We must put our action where our mouth is. That is the bottom line with any problem we face in this world.

We must put our action where our mouth is.

It does no good to simply say its a shame that violence and abuse are prevalent in our world. It only does good if we act responsibly on our words. We must do all we can, if we expect this problem to be resolved.

My prayer for you today is for you to ask yourself in your heart, “If not now, when?”

In His Name,

Jennifer Joy

Aim Higher

There was a property I thought would be perfect for our mission. We could have housed eleven families. I was really excited about it, but then I became confused and frustrated when God kept telling me, “No.” Turns out, I was using my human pea-brain too much and not recognizing the God-given potential of our mission.

It was as if we were artists in our hearts but had never even been given crayons as a child.

I’ve been compiling lists of community resources for the past few days. There’s a lot out there, but there still is never enough to meet the need, as most of the shelters have long waiting lists. As I was checking out the various shelters, soup kitchens, and food pantries online, something sparked in my imagination. Among these were models quite similar to what God has placed in my heart to do, and these models, these shelters are quite sizeable. I must go check them out in person, to harvest the bounty of their seasoned experience, their knowledge and wisdom.

My husband, using his own human pea-brain, said that the property God has told me “no” about was far too small to contain what’s in my heart. It seems I must pay attention more to the wisdom around me, as well as God’s wisdom. I said, “This would be a good starting point,” and He and my husband Ken said, “Aim higher.”

I’m glad they are both on my side.

In the margin, you can now find links to the lists I have  compiled. As I come across more information, I will update the lists.

My prayer for you today is that if you find yourself in great need, someone will help you find the perfect solution, shining brightly, a small nugget of hope.

In His Name,

Jennifer Joy

Wrestling with Faith in Limited Personal Space

My days are so full lately. My nights as well.

It used to be that when I was very ill and very depressed, there was a duality to the passage of time. Days seemed to drag on forever, and the nights were even  worse. Yet, weeks and months seemed to zip right by, and I could not tell of a single productive thing I had accomplished in the past day, week, or even month.

Now, with all Our Lord has me doing for Him and His children (all of humankind but especially those of Southern California), days seem to pass all too quickly from sunrise to sunset.

Lately, when trying to tell someone when I did something, I have erroneously said that a week, two weeks, even a month had passed since I did whatever it was. But then I would look back at my journal, and I would be amazed to find that only half the span of time had actually passed since that activity’s notation. So again, there’s a mysterious discrepancy in the passage of time.

When I was terribly ill with depression, I could never understand the saying, “The more things you do, the more you can do” (Lucille Ball), because I struggled day in and day out just to get the basics done, if that. I lost far too many years to depression.

It is amazing what God can bring about in someone’s life, once the agony of depression has been conquered by His grace and love.

I find it quite peculiar, and yet it is exactly how I’ve come to understand the workings of God. Not that I fully understand, because no human can ever know the full will of God.

I also find it typically peculiar that after many nights of little sleep (because that is mostly when He chooses to speak to me because that is when I am most still), I will cry out for a full night’s rest. Then when He gives it to me (sleeping all night long), I will again cry out, “Lord, why didn’t you speak to me last night?” Even though The Holy Spirit and I wrestle all night some nights, and I am worn out the next day, I so desire to hear from Him every night and every day, even at the risk of no sleep yet again.

Living in an RV makes my night wrestling matches more difficult, however, especially now since we have added a third person to our tiny home on wheels. Yes, that makes three adults and two rambunctious dogs in a 33-foot motorhome without slide-outs. I’ll leave our houseguest’s story untold for now, other than that his great need has become like a blessing for me. That sounds horrible, even though I do not intend it that way. What I mean is that his presence in my life 24/7 really helps me out. He makes me laugh with his quiet personality and how he can slip a joke in without me realizing it until I am bursting with laughter. I love how his smile seems to creep over his face, almost imperceptibly at first. He is also a great help with the dogs, walking them and babysitting the puppy (Gracie), as Our Lord takes me away from home and into the community more and more.

(Tinker Belle with Suzie, when Tinker was just a puppy.)

I will never begrudge my son-from-another-mother a full night’s sleep, for he needs it with all he is going through right now. So I gladly do my writing and reading and wrestling by flashlight, lying in bed, sandwiched between my husband, Tinker Belle (the Pug), and Gracie (the Poodle puppy) while our houseguest makes the living room unavailable to me by night.

You can be sure, God is good in His will and His workings, even if we silly little humans are oftentimes inconvenienced or don’t understand at first. God is so good to me, even when I get frustrated and all I want is sleep.

My prayer for you today is that you may find the space to be still and your life quiet enough for at least a moment in all its chaos, so that you can hear the still small voice of God.

In His Loving Grace,

Jennifer Joy