Friendship, Love, and Loyalty

What is friendship, truly? Is it only a relationship, through which we can get our own personal needs met?

Surely, it is not.

Friendship is a deep and lasting bond. Friendship is a gift we can treasure the rest of our lives. The bond between friends is one of the strongest on earth.

Friendship oftentimes is stronger than blood relationships. It is unfortunate but true. We cannot choose our birth family, but God has chosen our parents and siblings for us for a reason. Life is a learning experience from the day we are born to the day we die, and God has given our specific families to us so that we can learn the lessons He has intended for us.

“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” John 15:13

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” Proverbs 17:17

King Saul’s initial feelings for David show how deceptive relationships can be and also how fleeting. It shows how we cannot always trust a person’s words, their confession of love for us. All too often, words are as empty as the air used to breathe them into existence.

“Saul liked him very much, and David became one of his armor-bearers.” 1 Samuel 16:21

“And from that time on Saul kept a close eye on David. . . Saul had a spear in his hand and he hurled it, saying to himself, ‘I’ll pin David to the wall.’ But David eluded him twice. Saul was afraid of David, because The Lord was with David but had departed from Saul.” 1 Samuel 18:9, 10-11

“Saul’s plan was to have David fall by the hands of the Philistines.” 1 Samuel 18:25

“Saul became still more afraid of him, and he remained his enemy the rest of his days.” 1 Samuel 18:29

Yet true loyalty in friendship can be found, as in the relationship between David and King Saul’s son, Jonathan.

“Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself.” 1 Samuel 18:1

By all human rights, Jonathan should have succeeded his father as king, yet by God’s anointing through the prophet Samuel (1 Samuel 16), David was to be Saul’s successor. Through normal human jealousy, Jonathan should have cursed the day David was born. Through that time’s acceptable loyalty to his father, Jonathan should have set out to kill David, just as his father tried to do. Even now, people tend to choose family over outsiders, as a sign of family loyalty, and it is good and honorable to do so in most cases. However, Jonathan followed the Word of God, rather than the bitterness of his own father’s jealousy and rage against David, when he chose to support and protect the rightful heir to the throne (David) from his father.

“While David was at Horesh in the Desert of Ziph, he learned that Saul had come out to take his life. And Saul’s son Jonathan went to David at Horesh and helped him find strength in God. ‘Don’t be afraid,’ he said. ‘My father Saul will not lay a hand on you. You will be king over Israel, and I will be second to you. Even my father Saul knows this.’” 1 Samuel 23:15-17

Jonathan was unable to follow his father’s example because his father chose to follow his own jealousy, fear, and rage. Jonathan chose a better path. He chose to listen to God and to honor his bond of friendship, even though this, in a way, dishonored his father.

Sometimes we must make these choices, if our own family does not set a good example.

What, then, is love?

God is love. (1 John 4:16)

Love is manifest in peace, mercy, grace, respect, trust, compassion, sincerity, forgiveness, and other noble pursuits.

There is no fear in love. (1 John 4:18)

Love is not found in scheming, lying, cheating, anger, jealousy, violence, insults, hatred, and the like.

“Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” Romans 12:9-10

“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you.” Matthew 7:12

I will come back to speak more about love another day.

So in the meantime . . .

My prayer for you today is that you might know the depth and the beauty and the trueness of God’s love.

In His Grace,

Jennifer Joy

Drama-Free Zone

I’ve been hearing people around me say that they are tired of all the drama, and I’m not just talking about teens. I’m talking about women (and even men) old enough to know better, than to continue the drama cycle.

I see them repeatedly inviting drama into their lives, with the decisions they make.

Everything is a choice. Everything in our lives stems from decisions we have made. However, unless we actually pay attention to what we are doing, we will not see that we have made poor choices.

It is my firm belief that, if we truly want a drama-free life, then we need to make the pledge to live in a truly drama-free zone.

How do we do this?

There’s biblical principals that can guide us in making the right decisions, but before I list key verses, I would like to give a list of do’s and don’ts.

1. First, stop the lying. When we lie, we have not only the truth to keep track of (which is easy to do) but also the lies. Lying gets us all twisted, and then we cannot remember who we told what to, and then all hell breaks loose when we make a mistake and say the wrong thing to someone we have been lying to, or when the truth gets back to them through someone else. We can  lose our most important relationships through lying. Plus, we teach people not to trust us, when we lie.
2. Stop gossip in its tracks. Sure, it can be enticing, listening to all the juicy bits of someone else’s life, and it can be even more enticing to pass what we hear along to others, but when we participate in gossip, we kill our relationships. It is one thing to pass along details we have permission (directly from the person) to pass along, but it is another thing entirely to say things behind their back. As an example, if a friend made it public that she is pregnant, and she is full of joy about the pregnancy and doesn’t care if the world knows, then it is okay to share in her joy and pass it along. It is entirely a separate matter if her pregnancy was unplanned or the result of an affair and she is fretting over all the changes it brings into her life, and she told you in confidence because she trusted you. Basically, before you open your mouth, think, “Does what I am about to say hurt or help the person and his/her situation?” If it hurts, keep your mouth shut. If you are unsure, keep your mouth shut. It is better to err on the side of caution.
3. Stop reading tabloids. Tabloids gossip about celebrities. When we read tabloids, including the supposedly higher class gossip magazines, then we contribute to perpetuating the cycle of gossip. Gossip hurts, even if it is about celebs. When we buy and read these magazines (or watch such shows) then we are telling society that it is okay to spread rumors and gossip.
4. Be true to yourself and others. When we act one way in front of this person and another way in front of that person, then we are two-faced. If what you are doing is not acceptable in front of everyone, then stop it. Any behavior can be changed if you really want change in your life.
5. Know who you can trust before opening up. If the person is a known gossiper or liar, then don’t share important things with them. Some people can take even the most innocent of comments and twist them until they become hurtful. With these people, it is usually best to not say anything beyond the weather forecast.
6. Become trustworthy. Make every effort to be the type of friend they need you to be, to be the type of person you would want as a friend. Adding to the drama isn’t worth the price of losing valuable relationships.
7. Avoid drama. It may not be polite to walk away from a conversation, but sometimes that’s what needs to be done. I’ve had to walk away from conversations, when my acquaintances did not get the message that I did not care to hear about so-and-so’s troubles. Sometimes walking away is the only thing that makes them understand you are serious about remaining gossip and drama free. Don’t make excuses or debate the issue; just walk away.
8. It is unfortunate, but sometimes relationships must be ended if you have tried everything to make them understand and the other person still does not accept your unwillingness to participate in the drama. Have confidence that there are better relationships out there waiting for you.
9. And finally, forgive. Forgive others their mistakes and how they have hurt you. Own up to your own mistakes by asking forgiveness of those you have wronged. Forgive yourself for those mistakes you have made. And ask God’s forgiveness. His forgiveness will bring wondrous blessings and peace to your life.
   

And now to the key verses. As I’ve said before, memorizing Bible verses can and will help improve your life. Write them out on Post-its or 3 x 5 cards and display them where you can read them throughout the day.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8

“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 7:12

“The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.” Proverbs 11:3

“Whoever derides their neighbor has no sense, but the one who has understanding holds their tongue. A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret.” Proverbs 11:12-13

“Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down.” Proverbs 26:20

“ The one whose walk is blameless, who does what is righteous, who speaks the truth from their heart; whose tongue utters no slander, who does no wrong to a neighbor, and casts no slur on others; who despises a vile person but honors those who fear The Lord; who keeps an oath even when it hurts, and does not change their mind; who lends money to the poor without interest; who does not accept a bribe against the innocent. Whoever does these things will never be shaken.” Psalm 15:2-5

“Cast your cares on The Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.” Psalm 55:22

“Then he adds: ‘Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more.’” Hebrews 10:17

My prayer for you today is that you may find the peace that is only found in knowing Christ.

In His Grace,

Jennifer Joy

 

Christmas Worries

This can be an especially tough time of year for many folks who already find themselves trapped in the cycle of poverty. When we can barely meet our bills and other obligations on a regular basis, how can we possibly squeak out even the tiniest of budgets to make our holidays bright, like everyone else pretends to?

As parents caught in this situation, it breaks our hearts when our little angels ask for this or that, and we cannot provide it. It tears us apart inside, when we have to choose between food and rent. We know our kids need both a roof over their heads and a satisfied belly. So we pay the rent and pray for a little something extra in this month’s food box, so that we might go on to live another day and another month. But another month turns into another year, when we are caught in the poverty cycle.

If we could get ahead just enough, then . . .

If we could just ____, then we could get ahead.

Why can’t they just leave us alone for one month? Then we could get back on track.

It is enough to drive a person mad. It is enough to drive a person back to their sinful nature. We try our best to go straight, go clean, stay on the wagon in whichever fashion, but the stress can get to be too much. I understand this. I have been there. I’ve done some really stupid things at really desperate times. I understand the feeling of being backed into a corner and feeling as though you have no choice.

Please hear me when I say that even though you may not see a good choice among all the bad, there is always a better choice. When we reach a point in our lives when we lose hope because of all the poor choices available to us, that is when we need to pray the strongest. That is the time when we need to let it all go. Yes, our bills will still be ours to pay, but when we let go, we turn the stress and worry about the bills (or whatever) to Jesus. When we let go, it frees our mind of the franticness of the situation. Letting go allows us the mental space to get back on track. It gives us the time and wits to sort out all the mess to find the best possible solution. We can say to the worry and stress, “Okay, so maybe all the bills didn’t get paid again this month (or whatever), but worry won’t sprout wings on its own, so I’m not going to obsess about it anymore.”

Worry won’t get the bills paid or the kids fed. Stress will cause more problems than it cures.

Invite God to come help you with your problems. He’s waiting for you to call on Him, through prayer.

My prayer for you today is that you are able to let go of your worries and your stress, so that you can breathe and see more clearly. Whether your stressors are financial, physical, or emotional, I pray that your heart will be receptive to letting go, so that God could come in and help you with your woes.

Love,

Jennifer Joy

DAY ELEVEN: The Normalization of Sex and Violence in Our Families

Today is day eleven of The 16 Days Campaign. Today is the day we need to consider Raising The Bar.

When I was in my early twenties, I was asked by a coworker, “If you don’t drink, smoke, or do drugs, what do you do for fun?”

“Plenty,” I replied.

It was not a matter of me being a snob or even a devout Christian back then, because I really wasn’t.

It was a matter of choices, however.

I never criticized my friends or coworkers for their choices, their lifestyle, but at the same time, I simply held myself to a higher personal standard. I simply had chosen a different path.

Please do not take anything I say as judgment or criticism. I am only offering a viable solution to a very serious problem in our society. Sex and violence are everywhere in what we watch, listen to, and surf. If we are to change the status quo, we must each make that decision on a personal level. It never works for a society to set standards. For instance, if you tell a three-year-old that she cannot have any cookies, she will want those cookies all the more, and she will try to get them without you knowing. We need to personally make the decision to not allow this glut of sex and violence into our homes and into the lives of our children.

Don’t get me wrong. I like a first-run Hollywood movie just as much as the next person, but I have also been known to walk out of a movie theater, when the language or nudity or violence gets to be too much for me.

Far be it for me to tell anyone else what they can and cannot watch or listen to. As for me, I don’t care if it does have a catchy beat or flashy visuals, I must hold myself to the standards I desire in my life.

All I ask is that you pay attention to the messages that song or video or movie is portraying, and then ask yourself if it lives up to what you want in your life. Is that particular message THE message you want to send your children out into the world with?

My prayer for you today is that evil will not seep into your life, unannounced, through the media available in your home.

In His grace,

Jennifer Joy