DAY FIFTEEN: International Violence Against Women Act

Today is day fifteen of The 16 Days Campaign. Our journey to disseminate valuable information in a short span of time is almost at an end. Even though this campaign is coming to a close, our work is far from finished.

The International Violence Against Women Act is proposed legislation addressing violence against women all over the world, through foreign policies initiated by The United States. Although it was introduced in the 110th and 111th congresses, it has yet to be passed into law.

Amnesty International, The Family Violence Prevention Fund, and women thrive Worldwide were instrumental in creating this proposed legislation.

Even without this legislation, we as individuals and as a society still have the great charge to eradicate violence and abuse from our families, our communities, and our world.

Some forms of violence against women worldwide include, but are not limited to:

• Rape
• Sexual slavery
• Sexual violence
• Domestic violence
• Stalking
• Murder
• Violence against women with disabilities
• Violence against immigrants and refugee women
• Breast ironing
• Female circumcision and other forms of female genital mutilation
• Burning with acid
• Honor killings
• Dowry death
• Foot binding
• Forced pregnancy
• Murder of pregnant women
• Forced abortion
• Forced prostitution
• Human trafficking
• Genocide
• Stoning
• Bride burning
• Gender-based discrimination
• Emotional abuse
• Dating violence and rape
• Imprisonment
• Torture

 

Links you may find useful:

Amnesty International USA

U.N. Women

The Duluth Model domestic abuse intervention programs

Link for creating a safety plan at www.domesticviolence.org

 

My prayer for you today is that you see yourself up to the challenge of taking on violence against women. And if there is violence in your own life, my prayer is that you will see that you have the strength to break free and that there are people out there in your community who care deeply for your safety and well-being.

In His grace,

Jennifer Joy

DAY FOURTEEN: Taking Steps

Today is day fourteen of The 16 Days Campaign to end domestic abuse and violence against women. It has been a challenge to put for all this information over the past two weeks, but I believe it has also been well worth my time and effort. We have two days left, after today, and I believe that Our Lord can work miracles in our families, if only we would be His hands and demonstrate His heart for hurting people.

Although there has been much progress since the days my abuser had me in his clutches, there is still much work to be done, if we are to prevent further domestic violence against women, children, and even men.

It reasons that if we develop, promote, and implement effective strategies, we will make a difference. Even the efforts of one bystander in the life of an abuse victim can change that life for the better.

On a personal note, my abuser made me believe that no one would be willing to help me. He convinced me I was worthless, that I would be better off dead. He made me believe that he would have me committed to a psychiatric hospital if I reached out for help. Back then, there weren’t as many victim advocacy services and crisis hotlines available, and the one outsider, a Methodist minister, who I reached out to blamed it all on me. He said that if I were being abused, then I was not performing my wifely duties. In essence, my minister blamed the abuse on me.

When I did reach out and tell a family member, after years of taking the abuse in silence, I was denied her help because she believed me to be lying and manipulating the situation. I went back to my abuser because I thought I had no other choice, no help, no one who loved me enough to care.

If I would have had just one person on my side back then, well, the past is past, and I can only live for the now.

The following includes a list of things we all can do to help turn the tide of violence in our families and in our community, and ultimately in our world. Some are simple and can be done by an individual, while others are more complicated and will require the community to participate, through governmental initiatives, social activism, and providing more services and resources for the victims of intimate partner abuse.

• Increase the safety and protection of women and children.
• Promote healthy, respectful relationships, including healthier parent-child relationships.
• Develop positive family dynamics and emotionally supportive environments.
• Foster the growth of positive interactions, based on trust and respect.
• Foster effective non-violent communication skills and conflict resolution.
• Teach children appropriate peer and dating relationship tactics, what is acceptable and not acceptable.
• Promote healing and prevention in the lives of victims so that they will not be victimized again.
• Support and volunteer in local efforts supporting this cause.
• Recognize that violence against women and children is a human rights issue.
• Show solidarity among women who have suffered past abuse or are currently in an abusive situation.
• Ensure that legal, housing, safety, medical, and mental health and other services and resources are readily available and accessible to survivors of violence and abuse.

My prayer for you today is that if someone trusts you enough to reach out to you, please, please take her hand and help her so that the cycle can end and that she will know how important she really is, to you and to God.

In His Grace,

Jennifer Joy

DAY TWELVE: Loving a Child Out of Despair

Today is day twelve of The 16 Days Campaign to end domestic abuse and violence against women.

What You May See If A Child Is Having Trouble

When children witness abuse or violence, their whole world is shaken. If they see it on a regular basis, it can damage their psyche long-term. The following are some of the problems that might be seen in children in unsafe home environments.

• Sleep trouble, nightmares, bed wetting
• Aggressive behavior or angry outbursts
• Hyperactivity
• Hyper-vigilance (excessive worry about danger)
• Excessive worry for the safety of loved ones (especially the loved one being abused)
• Withdrawal from friends and regular activities
• Emotional numbness
• Trouble concentrating
• Acting out what they have witnessed

The dynamics displayed in a family where domestic violence is prevalent make for an unhealthy living environment for children. Children learn that they must protect the “family secret.” I had to protect such a secret, and it taught me to lie. It also taught me that I could not reach out for help because of the shame this secret held. Children who grow up in such homes often develop social, emotional, and psychological and behavioral problems. This traumatic childhood will find its way to the surface, disrupting the survivor’s life from childhood and far into adulthood.

Children will often feel they are powerless, hopeless to ever have a better life. They may be confused about what is going on and also confused about their own feelings of shame, guilt, self-blame, and anger toward their parents. These children fear abandonment. They fear letting others into their personal space. They fear confiding in others because they fear that confidant might turn it all against them, tell the parent, or something worse—the State—because no matter how bad it is at home, that’s all these kids know.

These children may act out in school, get in fights or be otherwise aggressive; or they may become passive, apathetic, depressed, and they withdraw into themselves. They have very rigid defenses that are not always based in logic.

In essence, these hurting children withdraw from life, and every contact with another human holds the potential to be painful or dangerous.

As they grow up, these children may isolate, or they may act out sexually, having short, explosive relationships.

If we offer these children our love and compassion, we can effect powerful change in their lives. After a hurting soul first experiences agape love, compassion from a stranger or loved one willing to step up, her heart begins to be able to soak up the goodness in life, instead of being cut constantly by the badness.

We can help these children by making sure we reflect trust, respect, and love in all our relationships. We can greatly increase their self-esteem and promote independence by providing an emotionally and physically safe place to stay. We can demonstrate healthy love by setting boundaries and limits, being consistent, and by having clear expectations.

Encourage and support their interests. This can be especially important to help them switch from being consumed with personal safety, to being open to new experiences.

Before a child can share her story with an adult and begin healing, she needs to know she is in a safe place to do so. There must be a relationship of trust between the adult and the child.

The system fails our children and our families when they expect a child (or even an adult) to walk right in and spill the beans. Just because the social worker or police officer says, “you can trust me,” does not make it believable. The child’s history needs taken into consideration and the authorities (and all of us) have to realize the child most likely has never experienced a trustworthy relationship. It takes time, patience, and a monumental amount of love and compassion in some cases, to break through that wall of fear and distrust.

My prayer for today is for the children. I have great travailings for them. I pray that the children in your world know love and trust.

In His Grace,

Jennifer Joy

DAY NINE: Loving a Sister Out of Despair

Today is day nine of the 16 Days Campaign to end domestic abuse and violence against women.

Today is also my father’s birthday, God rest his soul. Happy birthday, Daddy. I miss you.

 

We all have our own story to tell. We all experience events from our own unique perspective. Two people can live in the same family, have the same parents, and yet their stories can be drastically different. As an example, two sisters can attend the same school, have the same teachers, and yet because one struggles with dyslexia and the other does not, the first sister will not have pleasant memories of childhood, while the second sister will look back on those years as the best of her life.

Everyone’s perspective of a situation is different, depending on her unique background, circumstances, and even just what mood she woke up in that morning. I myself have been chastised by relatives because they held to the belief that my childhood was near perfect, and yet I suffered horribly at the words spoken directly to me by my parents, those words not overheard by the other children in the family, or even by the other adults who should have been there for me. As I stated, each person experiences life events in their own unique way. It does not make either perspective wrong, nor does it make it any easier on the abused one to deny that her story is accurate in her own heart. She knows what she has went through, and outsiders do not. God knows what she has gone through, and humans do not know the extent of her pain just by looking in from the outside, and especially not by denying her pain and suffering.

Discrimination and judgmental attitudes happen in the best of families and abuse happens in the best of family situations.

If you have a sister, a friend, a child, any loved one, crying out to you for help, please do not judge her tears and pain. Believe her. Help her end the abuse cycle in her life.

If you see a sister or friend or loved one sinking into a hole of despair, reach out to her. Maybe too many have judged her pain in the past. Maybe she no longer knows how to reach out to you. Maybe she fears you will slap her hand and her heart for the effort.

Quite possibly, she has been abused and with abuse comes a loss of trust. Even though you may judge yourself to be loving and compassionate, she does not realize that fact. Open yourself to her and show her what she has lost through abuse. Show her that you are loving and compassionate by reaching out to her, by showing her that you are trustworthy. This will go a lot farther for a hurting soul that simply saying, “Well, she never told me,” or, “Why can’t she ask me instead of me having to go the extra mile?”

Ask yourself this, is she worth the extra mile? If you have love and compassion in your heart for her, then I believe she is worth the extra mile. If you can at least manage agape love, then it is worth your effort. She is worth every effort to save.

She cannot ask because she has been hurt too many times and she no longer recognizes a safe person from an unsafe person. She has lost trust and she has lost the hope that anyone could ever help her or love her enough to rescue her.

To change a sister from an abuse victim to an abuse survivor, we must reach out with loving kindness, reaching into her broken places and soothing them with love and compassion and not judgment. It most definitely does take action on our part.

I’ve been there. I know how alone and helpless we sisters can feel when in abusive relationships.

I know how difficult it can be to reach out for help.

To summarize, here is a list of how you can help:

• Don’t be afraid to speak up and let her know you are concerned for her safety.
• Be supportive
• Acknowledge that this is a difficult time in her life
• Do not judge her and above all, respect any decision she makes without making her feel bad about her choices
• Help her develop a safety plan if she does not believe she can leave right now
• Allow her the space and time to make the right decisions, and always make sure she knows you are there for her when she is ready to make that decision
• Encourage outside interests, invite her and her children along in your plans whenever possible
• Encourage her to reach out for professional help or a support group

Also remember that you cannot rescue her. The decision has to be her own; otherwise she will not be able to escape the cycle of abuse.

My prayer for you today is that you reach out to help a sister, a friend, a loved one. When your heartstrings are pulled by a situation, there is a reason.

In His grace,

Jennifer Joy

DAY EIGHT: The Cycle of Abuse

Today is day eight of the 16 days Campaign. We are halfway there. We will end the cycle of abuse, one precious life at a time.

Today’s topic is the cycle of abuse. As I see it, there are several cycles involved in abuse. One being a familial cycle, in that if children witness abuse, they are more likely to end up in abusive relationships themselves (Women mostly as victims and men mostly as perpetrators. Sorry, but it is not sexist or judgmental if it is a statistical fact). Another cycle is hopping from one abusive relationship to another, and this can be very devastating for the victim and any children involved, if she does not learn how to avoid such relationships in the future. More on this topic later.

Another cycle of abuse is the cycle that can happen almost on a daily basis in some relationships. That cycle of abuse goes something like this:

The perpetrator in the relationship will inflict abuse—whether it is mental, emotional, physical, or sexual, it does not matter—the cycle still works the same. During the abuse phase, the perpetrator will oftentimes get angry (but not always, for my abuser was very methodical and controlled in his abuse). There will be a breakdown in communication, and arguments will ensue, even though the victim knows that this will lead to more abuse. She will try to keep the abuser calm, placating him with offers of sex or whatever has worked in the past. The victim and any children involved feel they are always walking on eggshells.

After the abuse phase comes the make-up phase. Whether the abuser accepts responsibility for his actions or not, he will apologize and promise it will never happen again. He does this to calm the victim and keep her tied to him. She tries to believe him, and thus thinks that she should not leave because he “promised” to do better next time, even though he has broken that same promise many times in the past. He may even blame her for his actions or deny anything abusive even happened. These tactics work to confuse her and brainwash her into believing it is her fault or that she is over-exaggerating.

Then there will be a phase of relative calm, and the perpetrator will act as if nothing ever happened. He may continue the make-up phase by plying her with gifts or flowers or being extra nice. This makes his victim believe that the abuse is finally over. She begins to hope again, but in essence, he is setting her up for an even bigger fall next time.

This cycle repeats over and over. Sometimes the cycle can repeat several times in a single day, and other times, it could take months for a single cycle. Oftentimes, as the abuse escalates, the make-up phase and the calm will totally disappear, leaving only the abuse.

Excuses are often made for the abuse and the abuser. They say it is caused by substance abuse or because he is under a lot of stress. Or they may even go so far as to say that the abuser doesn’t know any better or that the victim deserved it.

These are all false. I am especially emphatic that no one deserves to be abused.

Substance abuse and stress do not cause domestic violence. They may increase the intensity, but they are not the cause. An abuser has learned to use these tactics to get his way, to stay in control. He makes the choice to abuse. He is not an innocent victim of his lifestyle.

Furthermore, just because an abuser comes from an abusive past or he witnessed it in his family growing up does not give him the right to claim that he “doesn’t know any better.” Everyone can learn to do better. Everyone can grow beyond their past mistakes and/or family history.

It is all a choice. He can continue to choose to abuse, or he can hold himself to a higher standard and work to improve not only himself but his relationships.

People may also say, “If it were really that bad, she would leave.”

I can say from personal experience that leaving isn’t always easy. I believed I had nowhere else to go, partly because he told me no one would ever want me and partly from my family history. I believed no one would help me get free. I had lost all hope. Plus I had a twisted sense of respect and honor (started in my childhood and spurred on by my abuser), and believed I had to hold my tiny family together and take the abuse for the sake of stability for my kids.

Sometimes, leaving can be dangerous. He may threaten to kill her or to take her children from her—he could also threaten to kill someone closed to her. The most dangerous time for many survivors is when she finally takes a stand and attempts to leave. Even so, it is possible to leave and it is possible to have an actual loving, caring relationship—free from abuse—in the future.

As bystanders, family members, and friends, we must do all we can to believe her. We must believe what she says is true, even if we do not understand why she won’t or can’t leave. She most likely does not feel safe enough to leave, or else she has lost all hope of a better future and needs a compassionate soul to unconditionally love her and to help her get free.

Once free, the best thing an abuse survivor can do for herself is to not jump right into another relationship; for this can lead into the lifestyle of being a victim. She needs to trust that she does not need a man in her life to take care of her. She needs to allow herself the time to heal and to learn how to find a better mate, next time around. If she does not give herself time to heal and grow personally, then she will inevitably end up right back into another abusive relationship (or back with the original abuser) and this next relationship is often worse than the first one, because she has already been beaten down, “primed” for the abuse to happen again.

These may sound like harsh words, but they are spoken in love from one abuse survivor to another. This cycle can be overcome.

My prayer for you today is one of compassion. I pray that if you are a victim, a compassionate angel will step up, take your hand, and lead to a better life. And I pray that if you are a family member or friend, you will be that compassionate angel for your hurting sister or friend.

In His Grace,

Jennifer Joy

DAY SIX: The Impact of Abuse on Financial Stability

Wow. We are trucking right along. It is day six already, of the 16 Days Campaign. My topic for today is how domestic abuse can damage a woman’s entire outlook on life, and especially her financial outlook.

Whether a woman is born into poverty or not, the abuse she suffers will work to put her into the mindset of not being worthy of anything better than what she already has. This stems from being told she is worthless and that nobody else would ever want her. These abusive affronts to her very soul, (defaming her abilities and her outer and inner beauty and her intelligence) will ensure that she stays poor or becomes poor.

Then it becomes a vicious cycle a woman and her family have to fight tooth and nail to become free from.

I worked many years in physically demanding jobs because I did not believe I could ever get a sit-down job or even something above minimum wage. I believed that I had to prove myself, and physical prowess was easy for me to portray, even though I suffered horrific pain every day, in part because of my choice to work these physically demanding jobs, and in part because I chose to believe the lies of others instead of the Holy Spirit whispering in my ear that I was worthy and beautiful and that Jesus wanted me, even if my fellow humans did not.

I have since been healed of this mindset (thank You, Lord), but I am still not out of poverty. The financial impact of abuse can last a lifetime.

My husband and I barely scrape by every month, and I take at least part blame in this because I never thought myself capable of accomplishing anything important in my life, even though I had received high honors all through school and again in my three years of college.

In the back of my mind I have always known that God had gifted me with an intelligent mind and the ability to write, but I never believed that anyone would want what I had to offer. It was only by the grace of God that I can now write this blog and reach out my hand to help others who are suffering needlessly at the hands of others.

My prayer for you today is that you might realize your God-given worth, talents, and beauty.

In His Grace,

Jennifer Joy

DAY FIVE: The Impact of Abuse on the Community

Today, being day five of The 16 Days Campaign to end domestic abuse and violence against women, I would like to share how domestic violence is not just a problem within a family, but within the entire community—every community.

Intimate partner violence, also known as domestic abuse, is a major public health problem, but more than that, when a child or young woman first experiences abuse or violence, it closes her off from the vital support she needs and opens her up to even more abuse and physical and mental health problems. It becomes a vicious cycle, and we must break this cycle for ourselves, for our daughters, for the sake of all.

Many who experience domestic abuse, sexual abuse, and violence at the hands of the ones they love also experience physical injury, depression, anxiety and panic attacks, sexually transmitted diseases, complications during pregnancy, and many other health consequences related to the added stress, such as irritable bowel syndrome and other digestive disorders, chronic pain and headaches, difficulty sleeping, substance abuse, post traumatic stress disorder, and suicide attempts.

It is a very complicated personal and societal problem, but it is also a problem that we must face head-on, if we ever expect to eradicate it from our families, our community, and from the world as a whole.

Intimate partner violence takes a heavy toll, not only on the victim, but on the family and all of society.

Being fearful of a loved one and being constantly concerned for one’s safety and the safety of one’s children is a tragic way to live. Yet one of the tactics an abuser uses is to cut his victim off from outside help.

There are many societal effects of domestic violence.

A woman who has been abused in the past, will oftentimes find herself in another violent or abusive relationship. Her self-esteem will have suffered and because of this, she will not be the fully productive member of society that God intended for her. For each person is special and each person has a specific purpose in the eyes of God. When we allow ourselves or another woman to continue in a life of abuse, we are not lifting high our/her God-given rights and gifts. If children live in abusive situations or unsafe situations, we teach them that this lifestyle is acceptable and that there is no other way. But when we love and nurture a child, we can bring them out of this mindset.

In abuse situations, the proper family values are not being passed along, but instead a grotesquely twisted version of respect evolves, where children believe they must protect their parents at all costs, if they want their tenuously small measure of safety to remain intact.

We can heal a society of this problem.

Unfortunately an attitude of “Not my job” has infiltrated our world. Individuals believe the responsibility is up to the government or social programs, and the government balks and the social programs scream because they are wearing thin.

But then there are the individuals who scream that the government should stay out of the family. Yet these same folk, are they willing to step up and help a woman or child or even a man out of the muck of domestic violence and into the light of a better life?

I will leave that question asked and unanswered because I am getting fairly close to judging, and I do not want to go there.

We must put our action where our mouth is. That is the bottom line with any problem we face in this world.

We must put our action where our mouth is.

It does no good to simply say its a shame that violence and abuse are prevalent in our world. It only does good if we act responsibly on our words. We must do all we can, if we expect this problem to be resolved.

My prayer for you today is for you to ask yourself in your heart, “If not now, when?”

In His Name,

Jennifer Joy

DAY THREE: Hidden In Plain Sight

Today is day three of The 16 Days Campaign to end domestic abuse and violence against women.

There is not a country, a state, a community, or a family that is not touched by domestic violence in one way or another. It happens in poor families and rich families alike. There is no guarantee that you yourself will not become a victim someday. If you have escaped the abuse and brutality up to this point, then you are blessed among us, for far too many have been victimized already.

We cannot know a person’s history or pain just by looking at them. Even so, the legal system (The Portland Police, specifically, as reported in the Oregonian, December 2, 2009) have come up with some indicators that we can all learn from. They are as follows.

Lethality Indicators (as seen in the perpetrator)

• Perceived loss of control over the victim through separation, divorce, or the victim fleeing.
• Extreme jealousy
• Escalation of abuse
• Acts of abuse in public
• Threats of suicide or homicide
• Plans to carry out either suicide or homicide
• Use of weapons, or the threat to use weapons
• Stalking
• History of mental health problems
• Substance abuse
• History of sexual abuse of the victim or children
• Violation of protective orders or restraining orders

If you are not aware of your own status (whether you are a victim or not), the following lists might help.

Do You:

• Feel afraid or your partner much of the time?
• Avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?
• Feel that you cannot do anything right for your partner?
• Believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?
• Wonder if you are the one who is crazy?
• Feel emotionally numb or helpless?

Does Your Partner:

• Humiliate, criticize, or yell at you?
• Treat you so badly that you are embarrassed for your friends or family to see?
• Ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?
• Blame you for his own abusive behavior?
• See you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?
• Act excessively jealous and possessive?
• Control where you go or what you do?
• Keep you from seeing your friends or family?
• Limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?
• Constantly check up on you?
• Have a bad and unpredictable temper?
• Hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you?
• Threaten to take your children away or harm them?
• Threaten to commit suicide if you leave?
• Force you to have sex?
• Destroy your belongings?

Perpetrators use the various forms of abuse to gain and maintain total control over their victims. Along with the most obvious (physical violence), dominance, humiliation, isolation, threats, intimidation, and blame are some of the tactics a perpetrator may use.

With the gracious permission of the Domestic Abuse Intervention Program in Deluth, Minnesota (http://theduluthmodel.org/), here are some graphics to show the tactics commonly used by abusers to achieve and maintain control over their partner/victim.  

My prayer for you today is that, as a bystander, you could recognize abuse when you see it in the life of another.

In His Name,

Jennifer Joy

DAY ONE: Breaking The Silence

Today we enter into the 16 Days Campaign.

The 16 Days Campaign is an international campaign against domestic abuse and violence. This year’s theme is “From Peace in the Home to Peace in the World” and more specifically the worldwide effort of the next 16 days will be activism against gender-based violence and militarism.

It runs from November 25, 2013 to December 10, 2013, and the significance of these two dates are as follows: November 25 is the UN International Day of Elimination of Violence Against Women and December 10 is the International Human Rights Day.

My personal contribution to this effort will focus mostly on domestic abuse and violence against women, as I myself am an abuse and rape survivor. I do recognize that domestic violence is also perpetrated against men and boys, and this fact will be highlighted in some of my writings as well.

To begin, I will provide some basic definitions of abuse. In order to effect change on an individual and societal level, we all must have a clear understanding of what abuse is and how it affects those involved, and we all must do our part to initiate and foster healthy, loving relationships in the lives of those around us.

I gleaned some of this information from the National Institute of Justice, and you can go directly to their site for further information, at http://www.nij.gov/nij/topics/crime/intimate-partner-violence/welcome.htm

Thank you for taking the time to educate yourself about domestic abuse, or as it is now called, intimate partner violence.

Some Helpful Definitions

Intimate Partner Violence: AKA domestic violence, domestic abuse, spousal abuse. Physical, sexual, or psychological harm by a current or former intimate partner or spouse. It can occur among heterosexual and same-sex couples. It effects all parts of the victim’s life, including health (immediate and long-term), family dynamics and the welfare of any children involved, and community and societal connectedness.

Physical Violence: The intentional use of physical force (shoving, choking, shaking, slapping, punching, burning, or the use of weapons, restraints, or one’s own strength against another person) with the potential for causing death, disability, injury, or physical harm.

Sexual Violence: Sexual abuse is any contact or threat of contact of a sexual nature in which the victim is forced to participate in a sexually related activity that is unwanted, unsafe, or degrading. Sexual abuse can and does happen even in the marriage bed. This includes (1) the use of physical force to compel a person to engage in a sexual act unwillingly, whether or not the act is completed. (2) An attempted or completed sexual act involving a person who, because of intimidation or pressure, is unable to understand the nature or condition of the act, decline participation, or communicate unwillingness to engage in the act. (3) Abusive sexual contact.

Threats of Physical or Sexual Violence: Communication of the intent to cause death, disability, injury, or physical harm through the use of words, gestures, or weapons.

Psychological/Emotional Violence: Traumatization of the victim by acts, threats of acts, or coercive tactics (humiliation, controlling what the victim can and cannot do, withholding information, isolating the victim from friends and family, denying access to money or other basic resources). In most cases, emotional violence has been preceded by or is simultaneous with acts or threats of physical or sexual violence.

Stalking: Harassing or threatening behavior that an individual engages in repeatedly, such as sending the victim unwanted presents, following or laying in wait for the victim, damaging or threatening to damage the victim’s property, appearing at a victim’s home or place of business, defaming the victim’s character or spreading rumors, or harassing the victim via the Internet by posting personal information.

My prayer for you today and for the next sixteen days is that your mind and your heart will be open to understanding and solving this very serious problem.