Stress Busters

Stress can make or break a person.

Stress can eat a hole right through your stomach. Stress can cause you to make poor decisions, to make mistakes. Stress can keep you from sleeping. Stress can make you prone to overeating.

Stress can also make us aware of trouble spots in our lives.

In moderation, stress can build our resiliency. Stress can teach us patience. Stress can drive us to achieve great things.

Stress can also be good for us. We experience good stress, or eustress, when we fall in love, go to an amusement park, or joyfully anticipate the birth of a child.

In eustress, our hearts pound. We feel a surge of pleasure and excitement rise in us. We can barely stifle our enthusiasm.

But when we are experiencing too much stress (even good stress when to excess), this chronic stress can have detrimental effects on our health and our ability to function. We miss deadlines at work. We find ourselves running late, and then we miss the bus, or we get into an accident on the way to work because we are thinking about our obligations instead of focusing on the road. Our blood pressure rises and stays elevated. We become less able to tolerate change. We become vulnerable to all sorts of illnesses. We carry our stress overload on our shoulders, as if it were a real physical burden, and the added tension brings on back pain and headaches. When I am under too much stress, the tightness in my shoulders even makes my hands go to sleep.

So, if we are under so much pressure and it is stealing our joy, how can we ever hope to get out from under it?

I have a simple list of suggestions, and although I say it is a simple list, until you can see your way clear, it can be anything but simple to accomplish. Even so, your health is worth every effort to get your stress back under control.

1. Learn to say, “no.” Or at least learn to say, “let me get back to you.”
2. Set healthy boundaries, for your time and even to include whom you allow into your personal space.
3. Acknowledge your innate value. You are not a doormat, to be used by everyone who enters your life.
4. Prioritize your obligations.
5. Delegate anything that needs done but is not worthy of being on your hectic schedule. (By this I mean that older kids can do dishes and fold laundry. Or even hire a housekeeper or gardener to come once a week.)
6. Laugh often. Watch comedies instead of dramas, as even violence and strife seen on the screen can raise our stress levels because we unknowingly internalize it. It’s human nature.
7. Take a walk, either alone or with a loved one.
8. Exercise, but know that exercise does not have to mean sit-ups. Gardening, if you enjoy it, can be excellent for the physical and mental being.
9. Memorize a key verse or make up your own mantra to get you through the stressful times. (My favorite is Philippians 4:13.)
10. Make a list of things you enjoy, and then prioritize some of them into your week. Hobbies can be great stress relievers.
11. Show yourself grace and mercy by not trying to be a superhero.
12. Write out what is so stressful for you because as you write, things will become clearer, and then hopefully, through your writings, you will find a solution. This can be only for your eyes, or if it helps, share it with someone you trust.

 

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4: 6-7

“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:12-13

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34

“‘Martha, Martha,’ The Lord answered, ‘you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one.’” Luke 10:41-42

“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Hebrews 4:16

My prayer for you today is that you may find at least a moment of laughter and joy in each and every day.

In His Grace,

Jennifer Joy

Finding Joy at Christmas-Time

Parties to attend (or throw).

Gifts to purchase and wrap.

Cards to write.

Cookies to bake.

Packages to ship.

Family dinners to cook.

Wow. I don’t know where to begin. Hmm. I do know that most won’t get done, in this house anyway. Can’t afford to be frivolous. Finances are tight. Finances get tighter for more and more families every year.

What’s worse, parents buy into the societal messages that more is better and that our kids should be spoiled half to death, else we are not good parents. This is not the message we, as adults, should be receiving from other adults or from society. This is also not the message we want our kids to walk away with. If our kids buy into the idea that more presents equals being loved more, then when s/he receives only one small gift under the tree, s/he believes s/he’s not loved.

We as parents propagate this falsehood as well, by feeling that we cannot properly express our love with that measly offering under the tree. We mope and make excuses and we make promises for next year. Please don’t make promises you cannot keep. Kids remember the broken promises, and broken promises work at damaging the soul and tearing away at trust.

Moping and making excuses isn’t the way to convey a positive message. Even if there is only the love in our hearts as our offering under the tree, we must show that our love, and the love of our Lord and Savior, is sufficient for joy to thrive during the holidays and all year long.

Christ is the reason for the season. Christmas is about celebrating Our Lord’s birth. Yes, it is true that the wise men brought wonderful, expensive gifts, but the shepherds brought only their adoration because they had nothing else to offer. Mary and Joseph welcomed all who came to witness the birth of Our Savior. Even though some brought magnificent gifts, no gift was required to behold our newborn Lord.

On that note, I would like to offer a different way to look at things this Christmas season. Yes, gifts are great, and yes, I believe every child should have something to look forward to on Christmas morning; however, we need not succumb to the many societal and media influences, nor the peer-pressure-induced stress, depression, and anxiety.

Commit the following verse to heart, because I’d like to offer several reasons why this single verse could add joy to your celebrations this year. First, it teaches us what true treasure is all about, (and it isn’t anything you can carry in your pocket). And second, it teaches us what God cares about and ultimately, how He loves us.

“But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.” Luke 2:19

 What did Mary “treasure up” in her heart? She treasured the glorifying words of the shepherds, about her newborn son, Jesus. She treasured up the wonder of the Magi who followed a star all the way to Bethlehem just to see her newborn son, The Christ Jesus (see Matthew 2:1-2). She treasured the (most likely) exemplary behavior of her young son, Jesus (see Luke 2:51), even if she didn’t always understand. She treasured up the amazement of others, when they first heard her Jesus speak.

I imagine that she also treasured up all the normal things we moms (and dads) treasure up in our own hearts about our own children. And she pondered what it all would mean for her son, just as we ponder the futures of our own children.

I’ve just compared Mary’s parental love to our own. Now, I would like to take it a step farther and compare Mary’s love for her son, Jesus, with God the Father’s love for us.

God loves us unconditionally. He revels in our successes, and His heart breaks for us when we don’t succeed. He is one of those fathers who loves us to such a degree that He trusts us to make our own mistakes. He also loves us to such a degree that He patiently waits for us to come running home for help, after we make a mess of things on our own. He will never say, “I told you so.” He holds no contempt for our sinful nature. He will not shame us or refuse us when we finally come to Him.

God knows the circumstances of our lives, even before we try to explain things to Him or make excuses for our behavior. He knows our hearts better than we do, and God knows that there is no shame in poverty. Society tries to shame the poor and less fortunate, but God never shames us for our misfortune or our mistakes.

When we can barely make it from one week to the next, many of us fear going to church because we fear the time when the offering bag comes around. It is embarrassing to have nothing to offer, especially when churches are making extra pleas at this time of year, to support their many worldly missions. Sometimes we can even be made to feel left out, when our own church doesn’t recognize our need, yet they cry for the needs of people halfway around the world, whom they’ve never even met.

Don’t feel bad if you have had this thought. I know I have, in years past. How could I worry about them, when I didn’t even know whether we would have enough on our own table for Christmas dinner? It made me feel like I was a horrible person, not caring about the children in Africa (or wherever else). Fact was, I did care for the welfare of these children and their families. It just tore me apart too much, to not be able to do anything to help them. It was yet another obligation on my heart that I could not meet.

God understands why we feel this way. He knows that it is difficult to have compassion for the needs of others when our own needs are not being met. For me personally, and most likely for you, God knows that if I had it to give, I would gladly give it, and then some.

When it comes to our tithes and offerings, God knows our hearts. He knows when a dollar has been stretched as far as it possibly can be stretched. He knows that pang in our hearts when we can barely feed our own family. He knows our heartache when we cannot set aside what we want to, for charity, for tithing, for good and honorable reasons, for our children. God knows our list of priorities and obligations. He knows that sometimes, we simply don’t have it to give.

And that’s okay with God. He knows that we will all go through hard times and trials. It is inevitable. All He asks, is that we ask for his help to get us through our hard times.

So don’t fear going to church. There is no shame in being unable to tithe right now. Someday you will be able to. Your need to be there should far outweigh the lack in your offering. If your church puts more emphasis on that magical ten percent, then they aren’t worth their weight, in my opinion. Tithing is not about reaching that predetermined ten percent. It is about the condition of our hearts. And church is about helping each other, being a community, even closer, a family.

God knows that sometimes we need help, and He also knows our prideful side. Set aside the pride and turn it all over to His able hands. He’s been waiting for us to ask for help. For He is a gentle and patient Father.

“The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.” Psalm 103:8

I challenge you to find ways to teach your children about storing up treasures in the heart. It’s never too early nor too late to teach about the pitfalls of materialism.

• Make gifts from recyclables with your children, to give to teachers, friends, family. Teach the good old message that it is not the gift but the thought that counts.
• Take an early evening walk with your children, around the neighborhood, to check out everyone else’s lights and yard decorations. Use this time to teach about appreciating the fleeting nature of beauty and the splendor all around us.
• Take your children to volunteer their time. This can be as simple as going to a senior care center and singing carols; or offering to make ornaments with the seniors; or it can be as complicated as putting together all your kids’ friends and their parents, to sing carols around the neighborhood.
• Decorating doesn’t have to be expensive, either. Those shiny advertisers that come as junk mail make quite sparkly paper chains. Kids love to color and paint, so let them make all sorts of decorations and cards to hand out.
• Nifty homemade window clings can be made with clear contact paper and Sharpies.
• Let your imagination soar.

My prayer for you today is that finding your family’s joy isn’t an expensive prospect. I pray you can return to simpler ways, and create for yourself a simpler, easier, more joy-filled life.

In His grace,

Jennifer Joy

Christmas Worries

This can be an especially tough time of year for many folks who already find themselves trapped in the cycle of poverty. When we can barely meet our bills and other obligations on a regular basis, how can we possibly squeak out even the tiniest of budgets to make our holidays bright, like everyone else pretends to?

As parents caught in this situation, it breaks our hearts when our little angels ask for this or that, and we cannot provide it. It tears us apart inside, when we have to choose between food and rent. We know our kids need both a roof over their heads and a satisfied belly. So we pay the rent and pray for a little something extra in this month’s food box, so that we might go on to live another day and another month. But another month turns into another year, when we are caught in the poverty cycle.

If we could get ahead just enough, then . . .

If we could just ____, then we could get ahead.

Why can’t they just leave us alone for one month? Then we could get back on track.

It is enough to drive a person mad. It is enough to drive a person back to their sinful nature. We try our best to go straight, go clean, stay on the wagon in whichever fashion, but the stress can get to be too much. I understand this. I have been there. I’ve done some really stupid things at really desperate times. I understand the feeling of being backed into a corner and feeling as though you have no choice.

Please hear me when I say that even though you may not see a good choice among all the bad, there is always a better choice. When we reach a point in our lives when we lose hope because of all the poor choices available to us, that is when we need to pray the strongest. That is the time when we need to let it all go. Yes, our bills will still be ours to pay, but when we let go, we turn the stress and worry about the bills (or whatever) to Jesus. When we let go, it frees our mind of the franticness of the situation. Letting go allows us the mental space to get back on track. It gives us the time and wits to sort out all the mess to find the best possible solution. We can say to the worry and stress, “Okay, so maybe all the bills didn’t get paid again this month (or whatever), but worry won’t sprout wings on its own, so I’m not going to obsess about it anymore.”

Worry won’t get the bills paid or the kids fed. Stress will cause more problems than it cures.

Invite God to come help you with your problems. He’s waiting for you to call on Him, through prayer.

My prayer for you today is that you are able to let go of your worries and your stress, so that you can breathe and see more clearly. Whether your stressors are financial, physical, or emotional, I pray that your heart will be receptive to letting go, so that God could come in and help you with your woes.

Love,

Jennifer Joy