Love at the Foot of the Cross

I said a while back that I would talk more about love. So here it is.

The perfect definition of love is found in 1 Corinthians 13, and it goes like this:

“Love is patient,

Love is kind.

It does not envy,

It does not boast,

It is not proud.

It does not dishonor others,

It is not self-seeking,

It is not easily angered,

It keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil

But rejoices with the truth.

It always protects,

Always trusts,

Always hopes,

Always perseveres.

Love never fails.”

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Wow. What a list. Sometimes I think to myself, “How many of these characteristics of love do I exhibit to others? How do I measure up on the Jesus scale?”

I know that I am much more patient than I was in my younger years. But I still have a long ways to go. Besides, have you ever noticed that sometimes you are more patient with friends and acquaintances than you are with your own family members? I know I am. Patience has never been my strong suit, and my patience gets tested quite often and I fail more often than not with my  husband, especially now that we live in extremely close quarters. (We live in a 32 foot motorhome with our two dogs, Tinker Belle the Pug and Gracie the standard poodle puppy.)

I try to be as kind as possible, in my dealings with others. However, this, too, can be a struggling point when my mouth speaks before my brain thinks it through--especially when I am tired or in pain. I have to keep telling myself that unkind words will not help the situation, neither will my habit of “needing” to have the last word on a subject. The Holy Spirit has been working on me lately concerning fewer words being better.

“Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few.”

Ecclesiastes 5:2

(Personal addendum, based on Psalm 139: Everything is uttered before God because he hears all and knows all, even before we speak it or do it.)

Envy. I have mostly conquered envy, but there are still times when I get jealous or covet something someone else owns.

And, yes, I do catch myself boasting from time to time, but I rationalize it, thinking that it might benefit so-and-so if they heard about my personal victory. It is not necessarily bad to tell about our victories, so long as we give the glory to God, because if He did not equip us and provide for us, we would not have the victories to boast about. Our victories come through His blessings.

“But, ‘Let the one who boasts boast in The Lord.’ for it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom The Lord commends.”

2 Corinthians 10:17-18

What exactly is pride? When I typed “define pride” into the Bing search engine, the second definition that it showed was “proper sense of own value.”

 Wow. So, according to the world (as pointed out by the above), we are supposed to be prideful? I understand that we should feel good about ourselves and that we need to have a sense of personal respect, but seriously? Pride is the proper sense of our own value? I think not, and I base my belief on the teachings of Jesus. Humility is what our personal value needs to be based on. Jesus washed people’s feet. He did not let His status as the king, as God incarnate, interfere with what He came to this earth to accomplish. To be a servant is more important than any other thing we might have to be prideful about. John 13 states it best.

“Jesus knew that The Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.”

John 13:3-5

Today’s world is so full of pride and arrogance, that the world tends to disparage those who do not conform to the worldly ways of “me-me-me” and winning no matter the cost, calling us “nonconformists” weak and stupid. The world idolizes movie stars and professional sports figures. No wonder they are so arrogant, being held to that level by their fans.

Alas, even with my disdain for pride, I occasionally fall prey to its evil draw. I am only human, after all.

“Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Better to be lowly in spirit along with the oppressed than to share plunder with the proud.”

Proverbs 16:18-19

How am I doing so far? It doesn’t look too promising for me to ever achieve God’s definition of love; however, God knows this about all of us humans.

My point in showing how I fail at some of these love traits is not to disparage myself. I show my faults to demonstrate that having faults in these areas is nothing to beat yourself up about. So long as we are working faithfully on our weaknesses, God will be pleased with us. God knows we are human and that as humans, we have a tendency to be self-centered and that we have a sinful nature.

God delights in us when we take our faults and our failures to Him. When we take our pride and our ego and we place them at the foot of the cross, He will help us bear our burdens and wipe away our shame.

He loves us that much.

My final words on love comes again from 1 Corinthians 13:

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

1 Corinthians 13:13

My prayer for you today is that you would know love in your life, the deep, abiding love only found in relationship with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

In His grace,

Jennifer Joy

Personal Best: Part Three: Trust

Honesty and trust go hand in hand. The more honest I am known to be, the more likely it is that people will trust me. If I’m not a trustworthy person, doors will close for me, instead of opening to greater opportunities.

Lying is a tiresome endeavor. Instead of just having to remember the truth, now the teller has to remember each twist and turn in the story he’s been weaving, usually to cover up the truth. Before long, the whole thing unravels, and people get hurt. The liar gets hurt as well, as his relationships suffer the consequences of lies that need not be told.

Wouldn’t it be easier to just tell the truth? Instead of weaving a fantastic story, just spit it out. The fantastic story is bound to unravel. The truth is bound to come out, sooner or later. Then the lies lead to a horrific aftermath, and we are left putting out relationship fires. Face it, there’s less of a mess to clean up, if the truth is told in the first place.

Being honest in our words is only part of the whole trust issue, though. To be trustworthy, our actions must also be held up to the light. If a person isn’t reliable, then people tend to judge him/her as not being trustworthy, as well. Idle promises, again, bring us down. If we make idle promises, then our trustworthiness is called into question. If we say we will be somewhere and then don’t show up, we are not trustworthy.

It goes without saying that if we take what isn’t ours, then we are not trustworthy.

If we expect others to trust us, then we need to prove we deserve to be trusted. Make all your dealings and all your words reach to the higher standards you are now striving for. As you walk this new, narrow path, you will discover that, even though it is narrow, it has many gates that open to wondrous new experiences and opportunities. It has many more and much better gates than that old, crooked path of the past.

As with anything that is worth having, this too will take patience and persistence. When we try to start fresh, with a background of distrust, it will take time for others to feel secure enough to trust again. Keep at it. Hang in there. Even if at first, old relations refuse to believe the change in you, please know that it is possible for relationships to be renewed and to overcome trust issues. It will take patience on your part, but I know that you are worth the effort to strive for better relationships.

As I stated a few days ago, take every word that comes out of your mouth seriously. Make each word count. Make each word truthful. Others take our words seriously, and part of this is because, as the Bible states, “For out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34). What comes out of our mouths matters.

If we like juicy tidbits, then we gossip. If we are prone to anger, then we will argue. These are examples of our hearts dictating what our mouths do.

But we cannot simply say, “the heart wants what the heart wants.” We must take steps to stop our mouths from blurting out every hurtful or gossipy thing that lands on our tongue. Bite that tongue if you must, for the tongue is the most powerful muscle in the body. It can do more damage than any thrown punch, but don’t go throwing punches, either. I wouldn’t want people thinking I advocate violence as a solution for anything. Because I don’t.

My prayer for you today is that a special person will surface in your life. It may be that you already know this special person, waiting there to be your helper. I pray they will be someone whom you can bond with in a wholesome manner. My prayer is that this person will offer you unconditional love and will be a shining example of strength and honesty of character, so that you can lean on them as you persevere in overcoming your challenges.

In His Grace,

Jennifer Joy

Finding Joy at Christmas-Time

Parties to attend (or throw).

Gifts to purchase and wrap.

Cards to write.

Cookies to bake.

Packages to ship.

Family dinners to cook.

Wow. I don’t know where to begin. Hmm. I do know that most won’t get done, in this house anyway. Can’t afford to be frivolous. Finances are tight. Finances get tighter for more and more families every year.

What’s worse, parents buy into the societal messages that more is better and that our kids should be spoiled half to death, else we are not good parents. This is not the message we, as adults, should be receiving from other adults or from society. This is also not the message we want our kids to walk away with. If our kids buy into the idea that more presents equals being loved more, then when s/he receives only one small gift under the tree, s/he believes s/he’s not loved.

We as parents propagate this falsehood as well, by feeling that we cannot properly express our love with that measly offering under the tree. We mope and make excuses and we make promises for next year. Please don’t make promises you cannot keep. Kids remember the broken promises, and broken promises work at damaging the soul and tearing away at trust.

Moping and making excuses isn’t the way to convey a positive message. Even if there is only the love in our hearts as our offering under the tree, we must show that our love, and the love of our Lord and Savior, is sufficient for joy to thrive during the holidays and all year long.

Christ is the reason for the season. Christmas is about celebrating Our Lord’s birth. Yes, it is true that the wise men brought wonderful, expensive gifts, but the shepherds brought only their adoration because they had nothing else to offer. Mary and Joseph welcomed all who came to witness the birth of Our Savior. Even though some brought magnificent gifts, no gift was required to behold our newborn Lord.

On that note, I would like to offer a different way to look at things this Christmas season. Yes, gifts are great, and yes, I believe every child should have something to look forward to on Christmas morning; however, we need not succumb to the many societal and media influences, nor the peer-pressure-induced stress, depression, and anxiety.

Commit the following verse to heart, because I’d like to offer several reasons why this single verse could add joy to your celebrations this year. First, it teaches us what true treasure is all about, (and it isn’t anything you can carry in your pocket). And second, it teaches us what God cares about and ultimately, how He loves us.

“But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.” Luke 2:19

 What did Mary “treasure up” in her heart? She treasured the glorifying words of the shepherds, about her newborn son, Jesus. She treasured up the wonder of the Magi who followed a star all the way to Bethlehem just to see her newborn son, The Christ Jesus (see Matthew 2:1-2). She treasured the (most likely) exemplary behavior of her young son, Jesus (see Luke 2:51), even if she didn’t always understand. She treasured up the amazement of others, when they first heard her Jesus speak.

I imagine that she also treasured up all the normal things we moms (and dads) treasure up in our own hearts about our own children. And she pondered what it all would mean for her son, just as we ponder the futures of our own children.

I’ve just compared Mary’s parental love to our own. Now, I would like to take it a step farther and compare Mary’s love for her son, Jesus, with God the Father’s love for us.

God loves us unconditionally. He revels in our successes, and His heart breaks for us when we don’t succeed. He is one of those fathers who loves us to such a degree that He trusts us to make our own mistakes. He also loves us to such a degree that He patiently waits for us to come running home for help, after we make a mess of things on our own. He will never say, “I told you so.” He holds no contempt for our sinful nature. He will not shame us or refuse us when we finally come to Him.

God knows the circumstances of our lives, even before we try to explain things to Him or make excuses for our behavior. He knows our hearts better than we do, and God knows that there is no shame in poverty. Society tries to shame the poor and less fortunate, but God never shames us for our misfortune or our mistakes.

When we can barely make it from one week to the next, many of us fear going to church because we fear the time when the offering bag comes around. It is embarrassing to have nothing to offer, especially when churches are making extra pleas at this time of year, to support their many worldly missions. Sometimes we can even be made to feel left out, when our own church doesn’t recognize our need, yet they cry for the needs of people halfway around the world, whom they’ve never even met.

Don’t feel bad if you have had this thought. I know I have, in years past. How could I worry about them, when I didn’t even know whether we would have enough on our own table for Christmas dinner? It made me feel like I was a horrible person, not caring about the children in Africa (or wherever else). Fact was, I did care for the welfare of these children and their families. It just tore me apart too much, to not be able to do anything to help them. It was yet another obligation on my heart that I could not meet.

God understands why we feel this way. He knows that it is difficult to have compassion for the needs of others when our own needs are not being met. For me personally, and most likely for you, God knows that if I had it to give, I would gladly give it, and then some.

When it comes to our tithes and offerings, God knows our hearts. He knows when a dollar has been stretched as far as it possibly can be stretched. He knows that pang in our hearts when we can barely feed our own family. He knows our heartache when we cannot set aside what we want to, for charity, for tithing, for good and honorable reasons, for our children. God knows our list of priorities and obligations. He knows that sometimes, we simply don’t have it to give.

And that’s okay with God. He knows that we will all go through hard times and trials. It is inevitable. All He asks, is that we ask for his help to get us through our hard times.

So don’t fear going to church. There is no shame in being unable to tithe right now. Someday you will be able to. Your need to be there should far outweigh the lack in your offering. If your church puts more emphasis on that magical ten percent, then they aren’t worth their weight, in my opinion. Tithing is not about reaching that predetermined ten percent. It is about the condition of our hearts. And church is about helping each other, being a community, even closer, a family.

God knows that sometimes we need help, and He also knows our prideful side. Set aside the pride and turn it all over to His able hands. He’s been waiting for us to ask for help. For He is a gentle and patient Father.

“The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.” Psalm 103:8

I challenge you to find ways to teach your children about storing up treasures in the heart. It’s never too early nor too late to teach about the pitfalls of materialism.

• Make gifts from recyclables with your children, to give to teachers, friends, family. Teach the good old message that it is not the gift but the thought that counts.
• Take an early evening walk with your children, around the neighborhood, to check out everyone else’s lights and yard decorations. Use this time to teach about appreciating the fleeting nature of beauty and the splendor all around us.
• Take your children to volunteer their time. This can be as simple as going to a senior care center and singing carols; or offering to make ornaments with the seniors; or it can be as complicated as putting together all your kids’ friends and their parents, to sing carols around the neighborhood.
• Decorating doesn’t have to be expensive, either. Those shiny advertisers that come as junk mail make quite sparkly paper chains. Kids love to color and paint, so let them make all sorts of decorations and cards to hand out.
• Nifty homemade window clings can be made with clear contact paper and Sharpies.
• Let your imagination soar.

My prayer for you today is that finding your family’s joy isn’t an expensive prospect. I pray you can return to simpler ways, and create for yourself a simpler, easier, more joy-filled life.

In His grace,

Jennifer Joy

Be True

We just completed a week in exile, as I have chosen to call our recent adventure into dry camping. Luckily I had the foresight to set up over a weeks’ worth of posts ahead of time, so this is actually the first post I have written since before Thanksgiving.

Dry camping, or boon docking, is when you have all the luxuries of home in your motorhome or trailer, yet you have no power, water, or sewer hookups; therefore, most of your “luxuries” are rendered useless, unless you have the added luxury of solar panels and a large bank of batteries, which we do not. We had plenty of propane to heat and cook with, but we had to ration water, not having a ready supply at our fingertips. We also did not have adequate lighting, as sunset is quite early this time of year, and our house batteries aren’t what they used to be. Needless to say, we spent most evenings by candlelight.

I had hoped that exile would be a growing experience for me. I had hoped that God would use that special time, disconnected from the rest of the world, to teach me something important.

Instead, I spent most of the dark hours grousing because I did not have adequate light and I could not use my computer. I could not even read without my eyes hurting. So I grumbled through most of the week, and I teetered on the edge of anger because I could not do the things I wanted to do. Writing by candlelight is not any easier than reading by candlelight, and crocheting a new pattern is all but impossible in the dark. I kept making mistakes and I had to tear out my stitches more than once, before giving up. There wasn’t much we could do while in exile.

My self-inflicted problems were many last week, as I did not learn what exile (in The Bible) teaches. I not only complained during the night, but I also spent my daylight hours complaining about the darkness. It knocked on my door all too soon, every afternoon, and I dreaded its inevitable approach. I let this negativity eat away at me. By fearing and fretting, I allowed the darkness to steal my joy. So my exile did not turn out how I had hoped, but maybe I did learn something after all.

Biblically speaking, God would send His people into exile when they were sinning to extremes and needed a wakeup call. Moses led the Israelites through the desert for forty years, in exile, because the Israelites were so thick-skulled that they could not help but keep sinning, every time their leader, Moses, turned his back for just a moment. Even in Solomon’s day, God was still using exile as a teaching method.

“But if you or your sons turn away from me and do not observe the commands and decrees I have given you and go off to serve other gods and worship them, then I will cut off Israel from the land I have given them and reject this temple I have consecrated for my Name.” 1 Kings 9:6-7

God does not hold the reigns too tightly. He allows us our free will. However, sometimes our antics could cause real damage, and it is at those times when the Holy Spirit whispers softly to us. Just as my husband rescued Gracie from an imminent broken leg, Our Savior can rescue us. All he asks is that we come to Him and ask for His help.

Maybe what I learned is that we must simply let go, of all the little things as well as the big things. I took my exile and saw only the negatives, when I should have been looking for the joy in having a week to spend with my husband, my dogs, and ultimately with my God. Lately,  I’ve gotten rather skilled at turning over one big thing after another to God, allowing Him to take the reigns of my larger problems, but sometimes I forget that I must also turn over every little thing, if I expect to keep my joy. The correct path to follow would have been to use my week in exile to its fullest potential. If I could not see to read The Bible, then I should have at least been praying for enlightenment of my heart and soul.

Maybe what I learned is also that I am who I am, and I have to be true to myself, if I am going to be true to God. I’m no better than the thick-skulled Israelites because I could not see past my own frustrations, to what He was trying to teach me, anymore than they could all those millennia ago. I may backslide into anger or bad habits once in a while, but I cannot hide who I truly am inside.

Just as Gracie could not stop herself from having so much fun in the loose dirt, despite how dirty she became in the process, I cannot help being human, and as such, I cannot help making mistakes.

I can mask myself with primping and crooning, but I am still a sinner underneath. I still get angry. I still allow my anger to get the better of me. I still allow my frustration to fester into melancholia.

And I will always need my Savior to rescue me, time and again.

What I am trying to say is that kids will be kids, dogs will be dogs, and we will all show our humanness, like it or not. No matter how hard I strive to put my past behind me, sometimes I find myself once again in the thick of it.

It is at that precise moment, when I feel the weight of my dirt and my sins upon me, when I must make the conscious decision to ask forgiveness and to let the dust settle again, so that I can humbly get back on track. Back to my relationship with God.

No, we did not punish Gracie for being herself. We enjoyed her antics immensely. She is only a dog and does not care whether she gets dirty or not. She does not know that a bright, shiny white coat is preferable to a dingy, dirty coat.

Likewise, it does not matter how dirty I get in the process of my sinning, Jesus will always welcome me back with open arms. His blood will wash the dirt from my snowy white garments (made snowy white in the first place only by His loving sacrifice), and He will gently lead me to a more fulfilling path.

That’s why Our Savior came—to rescue us and protect us from ourselves, as well as from the devil.

Our humanness will trip us more often than not, if we allow it, and Our Savior will pick us back up every time, if we only ask.

My prayer for you today is that you might recognize your humanness as a good thing. We were made in the image of God, yet we were given free will because He loved us enough to let us be unique.

In His grace,

Jennifer Joy

DAY SEVEN: The Culture of Fear

Today we are ending the first full week of the 16 Days Campaign. Has it been a struggle getting through all this, so far? Have you feared what other shoe might drop in your own life?

“There is no fear in love.” 1 John 4:18

Did you know that the opposite of love is not hate?

The opposite of love is fear.

All that I have presented up to this point in The 16 Days Campaign, aside from my day of thanks, reflects a sense of fear in the lives of the victims and children involved in domestic abuse and violence.

Rather than speak directly about the fear, today let’s take a different tact and speak about the love which is available to all of us, and also a bit of my personal testimony about love conquering fear.

The first love I want to talk about is the love that gets us into the most trouble. It is eros love. This love is more in the sense of being in love, as opposed to sexual desire; although, sexual desire is part of eros love. This love is more concerned with what we can get out of the relationship, true, but at the same time, it promotes the desire to submit ourselves to another, the one we love. This is romantic love, if viewed in its purest sense. While being a very profound experience, it can lead to evil (such as sexual addiction, violence, and pornography) as well as leading to a fully satisfying marriage relationship.

As such, we must take care to keep our eros love pure, respectful, and self-sacrificing rather than self-serving. This is not to say we should submit ourselves to abuse, however; for we must maintain love and respect for ourselves as well as for our partner.

The second is philia love. This is basically a brotherly love, friendship at its deepest sense. It is love between friends and represents one of the strongest bonds between people. According to C.S. Lewis, it is a love that is freely chosen but not necessary for the survival of the species.

And then there is the greatest of loves, agape love, which is a deep caring or godly love for someone even if you do not know them well or approve of their behaviors. This is the God level of love. This is unconditional love. Although it is at the God level, people can and do reach this level all the time. If you can show compassion for your enemy, then you are demonstrating agape love. Moreover, if you can put your differences aside and work on a solution together, amicably rather than fighting incessantly, this too is agape love, because you are putting the needs of the other, the needs of the whole, and the search for an honorable solution before your own needs. Setting your own comfort aside to help another is agape love, and it is a very good and honorable thing to do.

I have not always managed to attain this level of love in my relationships, and I have asked Our Lord’s forgiveness in this matter. My past was so shattered that for a long time, I did not even consider myself worthy of love, let alone worthy of agape love from another human being, and so those who had hurt me in the past, I allowed to continue to hurt me by not setting our differences aside and working on an honorable solution. Please don’t take this to mean that I did not care for the ones who were hurting me. I loved them very deeply and I tried to be in relationship with them, but every day my heart was being broken repeatedly by their deeds and their words spoken to me and against me. I eventually had to make the heartbreaking decision that it was best for my own health to pull back. Because I was seriously ill at the time, I was being told by my doctor, my husband, and others who truly cared about me, that I needed to get the stress out of my life if I ever wanted to heal. Otherwise, they warned, I was on the brink of being hospitalized because I kept getting sicker instead of better, despite valiant efforts where my medical treatment was concerned.

Because of the grave state my own health was in, I allowed my anxiety to reign, and I grew to fear any contact with the people who were hurting me and spreading lies about me. I lost out on working toward closeness and closure with a very dear loved one because he passed away without ever acknowledging the depth of my pain and illness and also the extent of my heartbreak from what he was saying to me and about me. He died without ever really knowing who I am, without him ever putting an end to the lies and hurtful words he was saying. I did not know how to make him stop, even though I tried my best to stay in relationship and to make him understand how much I loved him despite me being unable to physically be there for him (because of the severe extent of my own illness); but when I pulled away from the relationship, it seemed to only antagonize him further into more hurtful words.

This person was an alcoholic. Alcoholism is one of my challenges in relationship. It can tear a family apart, and because of my family history, I have never been able to deal well with an active (or dry) alcoholic. I am not nor have I ever been an alcoholic, but I have been surrounded by alcoholism my entire life, and the culture of fear I grew up in colored so many of my decisions, throughout my entire life. I feared becoming addicted to alcohol and so I have been very careful not to fall into that trap, but more devastating was my fear of becoming addicted to pain pills because of my familial connection to addiction. Because of this fear, I suffered needlessly in pain, crying every night in severe pain, because I did not want to become addicted. I was denying myself comfort; I was denying myself the self love that could have soothed so many of my fears. I did not love myself enough to accept that I deserved to be pain-free just as much as the next person. I also did not trust in Our Lord enough to know that His love could help me out of this cycle of fear and ultimately keep me from addiction.

I did fall into addiction for a short time. This is difficult for me to admit. Before my healing took place, my pain was so severe, I could not stand it anymore. I finally asked my doctor to prescribe something a few months before we left on our mission. Then I turned to these drugs to soothe not only my physical pain but also my emotional pain. It became a vicious cycle, where I would cry myself to sleep because no matter how much morphine or Vicodin I took, the pain never left my body, and I would wake up a few hours later with my whole body shaking because I was in so much pain. It had been years since I had a good night’s sleep, and even though I now had the drugs to combat the pain, my body was so devastated, so ravaged by the illness and unrelenting pain for so many years, that no amount of drugs was going to soothe it.

I finally got to the point that I prayed for deliverance, for an end to it all. If God wasn’t going to give me divine healing, then I wanted to be dead because I could not take any more pain. I stopped taking all my meds, even those for the Lyme disease and adrenal insufficiency and my myriad of other issues, and I fasted for two days, trusting that God would deliver me one way or the other.

I continued to trust day-by-day for a week, setting aside my fears that the pain would never end. I had to let go of the fear that was keeping me in bondage to my pain. Then we enlisted the help of a very mighty prayer team, when my husband asked if our pastor at our new church here in Beaumont could pray healing over me.

It was amazing. I was released. From the illness. From the fear. From the worst of my pain.

I still have pain, but it is not like it used to be. I am old and I am fat and it is winter. Those are three strikes against me at this point. It will take time to get my body back into shape, but I am continuing to trust in Our Lord, and my fear of the pain is gone.

Even though I was raised in an dysfunctional alcoholic home and grew to fear just about everything and I grew up not feeling loved or even wanted, God set me free from all that.

My prayer for you today is that you would ask God to heal you of your deep-set fears.

In His Grace,

Jennifer Joy