2013 In Review

This has been an amazing year, full of ups and downs. We finally got on the road, after three long years of trying to start living the RV lifestyle. (Read about our struggles over the past three years here.) Then, once we got started on the road, God changed our game plan (big time), thus the birth of this new blog.

This past year has held some of the worst physical pain I have ever experienced, but God was faithful to heal me physically a few months ago. One thing I have learned about God’s healing miracles is that it isn’t always instantaneous. Even the apostle Paul, after recovering his sight, needed time to recover. (Acts 9:19 “and after taking some food, he regained his strength.”) Finding the truth in this verse helped me to believe in my own healing, for there was instantaneous relief from the severity of my pain, my migraines, and even my food allergies, but some of the other issues are taking a little longer to overcome. Some of these other issues have to do with regaining the strength I lost during so many years of illness.

The first quarter of the year also held some of the worst emotional pain I have ever experienced. My marriage was on the brink of disaster and my father passed away from cancer on the first day of Spring—a day that should herald hope and new beginnings. In a way, it did bring hope and a new beginning, because God was again faithful in His love, care, and compassion for this lowly sinner. After my father passed, my Savior finished the task of releasing me from my past. In a way, Jesus brought to a close what He started in me five years ago, when my mother passed away suddenly and when I became seriously ill (actually I fell seriously ill about six months before my mother passed on, but I was diagnosed the same week she died).

When God healed me of my past, my marriage was also instantaneously healed. Our marriage has never been better than it is right now, and I will be forever grateful to God for it.

God has also brought my daughter and I back together. I will not go into details at this time; just know that this too has been healed.

One thing we have yet to be healed of, however, is our finances. We are struggling horribly, barely making it month to month. Everything is so much more expensive down here in Southern California, than it is in Oregon. My husband’s past employer, whom his retirement is through, is playing games with what little they provide. They’ve added higher copays and deductibles to our health insurance, and they are taking more and more funds out of his pension (to pay their higher costs of providing the insurance, I suppose). Plus our motor coach broke down three times on our way south, which drained our savings account, and now we fear traveling too far because if we break down again, we won’t be able to fix her again. So my latest struggle on our journey, which God has us on, is overcoming the fear of being stranded in the middle of nowhere, with no money. Though I should not fear even this, because God has always been faithful to make sure I have been taken care of in my times of need. He has always provided some form of “Manna” to keep us alive, sheltered, and fed.

Sometimes I worry and I fear that I will not be able to carry out this mission He has placed on my heart. I fear this because of our lack of finances. How can I ever hope to help others, if we ourselves are barely above destitute? Though in this area, I do have hope, for my God is a faithful god. I know He will provide when the time is right. In the meantime, I continue to pray and believe.

My prayer for you today is that, even if your year has been painful, that you can see where God has given bits of joy for your endurance. I also pray that God will provide and care for you, as He has been faithful to love and care for me.

In His Grace,

Jennifer Joy

Personal Best: Part Three: Trust

Honesty and trust go hand in hand. The more honest I am known to be, the more likely it is that people will trust me. If I’m not a trustworthy person, doors will close for me, instead of opening to greater opportunities.

Lying is a tiresome endeavor. Instead of just having to remember the truth, now the teller has to remember each twist and turn in the story he’s been weaving, usually to cover up the truth. Before long, the whole thing unravels, and people get hurt. The liar gets hurt as well, as his relationships suffer the consequences of lies that need not be told.

Wouldn’t it be easier to just tell the truth? Instead of weaving a fantastic story, just spit it out. The fantastic story is bound to unravel. The truth is bound to come out, sooner or later. Then the lies lead to a horrific aftermath, and we are left putting out relationship fires. Face it, there’s less of a mess to clean up, if the truth is told in the first place.

Being honest in our words is only part of the whole trust issue, though. To be trustworthy, our actions must also be held up to the light. If a person isn’t reliable, then people tend to judge him/her as not being trustworthy, as well. Idle promises, again, bring us down. If we make idle promises, then our trustworthiness is called into question. If we say we will be somewhere and then don’t show up, we are not trustworthy.

It goes without saying that if we take what isn’t ours, then we are not trustworthy.

If we expect others to trust us, then we need to prove we deserve to be trusted. Make all your dealings and all your words reach to the higher standards you are now striving for. As you walk this new, narrow path, you will discover that, even though it is narrow, it has many gates that open to wondrous new experiences and opportunities. It has many more and much better gates than that old, crooked path of the past.

As with anything that is worth having, this too will take patience and persistence. When we try to start fresh, with a background of distrust, it will take time for others to feel secure enough to trust again. Keep at it. Hang in there. Even if at first, old relations refuse to believe the change in you, please know that it is possible for relationships to be renewed and to overcome trust issues. It will take patience on your part, but I know that you are worth the effort to strive for better relationships.

As I stated a few days ago, take every word that comes out of your mouth seriously. Make each word count. Make each word truthful. Others take our words seriously, and part of this is because, as the Bible states, “For out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34). What comes out of our mouths matters.

If we like juicy tidbits, then we gossip. If we are prone to anger, then we will argue. These are examples of our hearts dictating what our mouths do.

But we cannot simply say, “the heart wants what the heart wants.” We must take steps to stop our mouths from blurting out every hurtful or gossipy thing that lands on our tongue. Bite that tongue if you must, for the tongue is the most powerful muscle in the body. It can do more damage than any thrown punch, but don’t go throwing punches, either. I wouldn’t want people thinking I advocate violence as a solution for anything. Because I don’t.

My prayer for you today is that a special person will surface in your life. It may be that you already know this special person, waiting there to be your helper. I pray they will be someone whom you can bond with in a wholesome manner. My prayer is that this person will offer you unconditional love and will be a shining example of strength and honesty of character, so that you can lean on them as you persevere in overcoming your challenges.

In His Grace,

Jennifer Joy

DAY TWELVE: Loving a Child Out of Despair

Today is day twelve of The 16 Days Campaign to end domestic abuse and violence against women.

What You May See If A Child Is Having Trouble

When children witness abuse or violence, their whole world is shaken. If they see it on a regular basis, it can damage their psyche long-term. The following are some of the problems that might be seen in children in unsafe home environments.

• Sleep trouble, nightmares, bed wetting
• Aggressive behavior or angry outbursts
• Hyperactivity
• Hyper-vigilance (excessive worry about danger)
• Excessive worry for the safety of loved ones (especially the loved one being abused)
• Withdrawal from friends and regular activities
• Emotional numbness
• Trouble concentrating
• Acting out what they have witnessed

The dynamics displayed in a family where domestic violence is prevalent make for an unhealthy living environment for children. Children learn that they must protect the “family secret.” I had to protect such a secret, and it taught me to lie. It also taught me that I could not reach out for help because of the shame this secret held. Children who grow up in such homes often develop social, emotional, and psychological and behavioral problems. This traumatic childhood will find its way to the surface, disrupting the survivor’s life from childhood and far into adulthood.

Children will often feel they are powerless, hopeless to ever have a better life. They may be confused about what is going on and also confused about their own feelings of shame, guilt, self-blame, and anger toward their parents. These children fear abandonment. They fear letting others into their personal space. They fear confiding in others because they fear that confidant might turn it all against them, tell the parent, or something worse—the State—because no matter how bad it is at home, that’s all these kids know.

These children may act out in school, get in fights or be otherwise aggressive; or they may become passive, apathetic, depressed, and they withdraw into themselves. They have very rigid defenses that are not always based in logic.

In essence, these hurting children withdraw from life, and every contact with another human holds the potential to be painful or dangerous.

As they grow up, these children may isolate, or they may act out sexually, having short, explosive relationships.

If we offer these children our love and compassion, we can effect powerful change in their lives. After a hurting soul first experiences agape love, compassion from a stranger or loved one willing to step up, her heart begins to be able to soak up the goodness in life, instead of being cut constantly by the badness.

We can help these children by making sure we reflect trust, respect, and love in all our relationships. We can greatly increase their self-esteem and promote independence by providing an emotionally and physically safe place to stay. We can demonstrate healthy love by setting boundaries and limits, being consistent, and by having clear expectations.

Encourage and support their interests. This can be especially important to help them switch from being consumed with personal safety, to being open to new experiences.

Before a child can share her story with an adult and begin healing, she needs to know she is in a safe place to do so. There must be a relationship of trust between the adult and the child.

The system fails our children and our families when they expect a child (or even an adult) to walk right in and spill the beans. Just because the social worker or police officer says, “you can trust me,” does not make it believable. The child’s history needs taken into consideration and the authorities (and all of us) have to realize the child most likely has never experienced a trustworthy relationship. It takes time, patience, and a monumental amount of love and compassion in some cases, to break through that wall of fear and distrust.

My prayer for today is for the children. I have great travailings for them. I pray that the children in your world know love and trust.

In His Grace,

Jennifer Joy

DAY NINE: Loving a Sister Out of Despair

Today is day nine of the 16 Days Campaign to end domestic abuse and violence against women.

Today is also my father’s birthday, God rest his soul. Happy birthday, Daddy. I miss you.

 

We all have our own story to tell. We all experience events from our own unique perspective. Two people can live in the same family, have the same parents, and yet their stories can be drastically different. As an example, two sisters can attend the same school, have the same teachers, and yet because one struggles with dyslexia and the other does not, the first sister will not have pleasant memories of childhood, while the second sister will look back on those years as the best of her life.

Everyone’s perspective of a situation is different, depending on her unique background, circumstances, and even just what mood she woke up in that morning. I myself have been chastised by relatives because they held to the belief that my childhood was near perfect, and yet I suffered horribly at the words spoken directly to me by my parents, those words not overheard by the other children in the family, or even by the other adults who should have been there for me. As I stated, each person experiences life events in their own unique way. It does not make either perspective wrong, nor does it make it any easier on the abused one to deny that her story is accurate in her own heart. She knows what she has went through, and outsiders do not. God knows what she has gone through, and humans do not know the extent of her pain just by looking in from the outside, and especially not by denying her pain and suffering.

Discrimination and judgmental attitudes happen in the best of families and abuse happens in the best of family situations.

If you have a sister, a friend, a child, any loved one, crying out to you for help, please do not judge her tears and pain. Believe her. Help her end the abuse cycle in her life.

If you see a sister or friend or loved one sinking into a hole of despair, reach out to her. Maybe too many have judged her pain in the past. Maybe she no longer knows how to reach out to you. Maybe she fears you will slap her hand and her heart for the effort.

Quite possibly, she has been abused and with abuse comes a loss of trust. Even though you may judge yourself to be loving and compassionate, she does not realize that fact. Open yourself to her and show her what she has lost through abuse. Show her that you are loving and compassionate by reaching out to her, by showing her that you are trustworthy. This will go a lot farther for a hurting soul that simply saying, “Well, she never told me,” or, “Why can’t she ask me instead of me having to go the extra mile?”

Ask yourself this, is she worth the extra mile? If you have love and compassion in your heart for her, then I believe she is worth the extra mile. If you can at least manage agape love, then it is worth your effort. She is worth every effort to save.

She cannot ask because she has been hurt too many times and she no longer recognizes a safe person from an unsafe person. She has lost trust and she has lost the hope that anyone could ever help her or love her enough to rescue her.

To change a sister from an abuse victim to an abuse survivor, we must reach out with loving kindness, reaching into her broken places and soothing them with love and compassion and not judgment. It most definitely does take action on our part.

I’ve been there. I know how alone and helpless we sisters can feel when in abusive relationships.

I know how difficult it can be to reach out for help.

To summarize, here is a list of how you can help:

• Don’t be afraid to speak up and let her know you are concerned for her safety.
• Be supportive
• Acknowledge that this is a difficult time in her life
• Do not judge her and above all, respect any decision she makes without making her feel bad about her choices
• Help her develop a safety plan if she does not believe she can leave right now
• Allow her the space and time to make the right decisions, and always make sure she knows you are there for her when she is ready to make that decision
• Encourage outside interests, invite her and her children along in your plans whenever possible
• Encourage her to reach out for professional help or a support group

Also remember that you cannot rescue her. The decision has to be her own; otherwise she will not be able to escape the cycle of abuse.

My prayer for you today is that you reach out to help a sister, a friend, a loved one. When your heartstrings are pulled by a situation, there is a reason.

In His grace,

Jennifer Joy