Bethel Grace Abbey Mission

This is the online outreach for Bethel Grace Abbey Mission. May our efforts to serve the hurting and homeless souls of Southern California reach to the level He has set for us. May His Glory shine through the darkness and be evident in all we do at Bethel Grace Abbey. These are only our humble beginnings, but through His love, we can move mountains. Thank you for joining us on our mission. May your life be as blessed as mine has become.
In His Loving Grace,
Jennifer Joy

Friday, December 6, 2013

DAY TWELVE: Loving a Child Out of Despair

16_days_logo_englishToday is day twelve of The 16 Days Campaign to end domestic abuse and violence against women.

What You May See If A Child Is Having Trouble

When children witness abuse or violence, their whole world is shaken. If they see it on a regular basis, it can damage their psyche long-term. The following are some of the problems that might be seen in children in unsafe home environments.

  • Sleep trouble, nightmares, bed wetting
  • Aggressive behavior or angry outbursts
  • Hyperactivity
  • Hyper-vigilance (excessive worry about danger)
  • Excessive worry for the safety of loved ones (especially the loved one being abused)
  • Withdrawal from friends and regular activities
  • Emotional numbness
  • Trouble concentrating
  • Acting out what they have witnessed

The dynamics displayed in a family where domestic violence is prevalent make for an unhealthy living environment for children. Children learn that they must protect the “family secret.” I had to protect such a secret, and it taught me to lie. It also taught me that I could not reach out for help because of the shame this secret held. Children who grow up in such homes often develop social, emotional, and psychological and behavioral problems. This traumatic childhood will find its way to the surface, disrupting the survivor’s life from childhood and far into adulthood.

Children will often feel they are powerless, hopeless to ever have a better life. They may be confused about what is going on and also confused about their own feelings of shame, guilt, self-blame, and anger toward their parents. These children fear abandonment. They fear letting others into their personal space. They fear confiding in others because they fear that confidant might turn it all against them, tell the parent, or something worse—the State—because no matter how bad it is at home, that’s all these kids know.

These children may act out in school, get in fights or be otherwise aggressive; or they may become passive, apathetic, depressed, and they withdraw into themselves. They have very rigid defenses that are not always based in logic.

In essence, these hurting children withdraw from life, and every contact with another human holds the potential to be painful or dangerous.

As they grow up, these children may isolate, or they may act out sexually, having short, explosive relationships.

If we offer these children our love and compassion, we can effect powerful change in their lives. After a hurting soul first experiences agape love, compassion from a stranger or loved one willing to step up, her heart begins to be able to soak up the goodness in life, instead of being cut constantly by the badness.

We can help these children by making sure we reflect trust, respect, and love in all our relationships. We can greatly increase their self-esteem and promote independence by providing an emotionally and physically safe place to stay. We can demonstrate healthy love by setting boundaries and limits, being consistent, and by having clear expectations.

Encourage and support their interests. This can be especially important to help them switch from being consumed with personal safety, to being open to new experiences.

Before a child can share her story with an adult and begin healing, she needs to know she is in a safe place to do so. There must be a relationship of trust between the adult and the child.

The system fails our children and our families when they expect a child (or even an adult) to walk right in and spill the beans. Just because the social worker or police officer says, “you can trust me,” does not make it believable. The child’s history needs taken into consideration and the authorities (and all of us) have to realize the child most likely has never experienced a trustworthy relationship. It takes time, patience, and a monumental amount of love and compassion in some cases, to break through that wall of fear and distrust.

My prayer for today is for the children. I have great travailings for them. I pray that the children in your world know love and trust.

In His Grace,

Jennifer Joy

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