Hitting the Faith Lottery

Have you ever won something big or received a great gift out of the blue? Has providence ever simply dropped into your life and said, “Hello”?
I’ve been thinking lately about when my kids were little. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about when my kids were little. Ours was one of those stories that reads, “we were always broke but we managed to keep food on the table.”
Before I met my second husband, my kids and I wore mostly thrift store finds. I’d always try to find the best looking stuff so that my kids would not have to bear the shame of wearing rags. Nevertheless, my kids rarely had anything new besides shoes and underwear, of course.
One summer, as I was desperately trying to prepare a decent wardrobe for my daughter to begin first grade, I found myself once again at the local Value Village. When I entered the store, I was given a raffle ticket. “I’ll never win,” I thought, deeply sad in my heart. “I never win anything.”
Then at the appointed time, they called the winning numbers. Those magical winning numbers matched my own. Yet, my disbelief was so great that I almost lost out because my mouth refused to call out that I had won. Luckily, my feet had a little more belief, a little more faith, than my heart did, because somehow I found my way to the counter just in time. They were about to call out another set of numbers.
At that time in my life, there were no blessings, that I could see and acknowledge anyway. God seemed very far from me.
Yet He dropped $200 into my lap when I needed it most. My daughter still started first grade in thrift store clothes, but they were better finds, some even from the “new” rack at the front of the store.
It was amazing how the joy in me sparkled from that one plea, which reached God’s ears. “I never win,” I had cried out, and He heard me.
Since leaving Portland, Oregon, and starting on this faith journey to find our mission field, blessing upon blessing upon glorious blessing have dropped into my life. Sometimes I feel that edge of disbelief creeping in. “I never win” keeps trying to dissuade me from believing that it all could ever be true for me.
Most of my life I believed I was a worthless lump, having survived abuse, torture, rape, and the many other bad parts of my early life. It seemed everyone either hated me or used me or both.
Sometimes I feel like I have won the lottery, my life has improved that much in these past five short months since hitting the road. Then there’s that old disbelief telling me I am not worthy, not deserving, but then there’s God whispering in my ear, “Yes you are. You are my Daughter Zion. You are a Joy to behold.”
He is always patient with us as we find our way to Him, to a fullness of belief and faith beyond words.
My prayer today is that you will know blessing upon blessing upon glorious blessing in your own life and that you could open yourself to a faith that could move mountains. Amen.
Love,
Jennifer